What is Normal with the settling period of a carehome for Dementia

[Bimbop5]

We admitted our Mom to a care Home 2 days ago and the Nursing staff keep asking us to come and settle her. She is aggressive and verbally abusive and resistant to care. But she isn’t physically abusive.

She is wandering the halls at night, slamming doors and they keep calling my family to come and settle her. It is a special care unit and I don’t understand why they keep making us come in. Aren’t they capable of dealing with this behaviour?

She is eating but has limited vocabulary. She can’t answer questions properly, always saying no and to fuck off.

The whole reason she was admitted to a care home is because we are burnt out. She has already fallen and now some of her toenails are missing. I am fearing we made the wrong decision but we can’t care properly for her anymore.

I don’t know how to help and I’m frustrated that the nursing staff is relying on us. I thought they are professionals. She isn’t any better with us either. I’m so sad and scared for her. Please any insight will help.

Is this normal transitioning behaviour? This isn’t in the UK for reference.

[IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere]

That sounds horrendous. My DM moved into her nursing home in 2021 when the pandemic was still active and the home wanted to reduce visiting as much as possible. My DM hadn't deteriorated so much at that point and was quite articulate about not liking the home but we were not asked to do anything specific to help with her settling in. I would have thought a specialist home would be far more proactive in caring for her. What would they do if you weren't local?

[Itsallfunngamesuntil]

Honestly depends on the home

We have come across one awful one......one he is currently in is v supportive

I sent an email when dad moved in detailing his career, holidays he liked, face foods, family details ie his parent's names etc....favourite kind of music etc

The home was v appreciative and said that is worth a lot more than beds

I teallybhooe she settles soon you have my empathy

[FinallyFeb]

My DM has quite advanced Alzheimer’s (around stage 6 of the 7 stages) and moved nursing home last month . I did spend a lot of the first ten days visiting and helping to settle her. My thinking was anything to help make the move easier for her as it’s such a nice home and I really hope she can stay there. Now I’m back to my regular hour long every five days visit.
I gave the home a list of music she likes and topics to talk about and tips to distract her such as looking at the plants in the garden through the window, talking about her childhood, playing music etc and they have said this has really helped.