Feel that I need antidepressants to get through this - how do you all cope?

[MyheartgoingBoomBoomBoom]

I know everyone affected by dementia is on the same unfortunate journey but I am really struggling to cope and wonder if antidepressants could help.

How do you all cope watching your LO being slowly eaten away by this wicked disease?

My lovely mum has Alzheimer’s. She was diagnosed in around 2018 and as with this disease it is slowly getting worse.

I’m lucky in the sense that she still recognises me, my sister, my dad and my two children. She also asks about my dh so is still aware of him too.

But she is getting worse, has no sense of personal hygiene, just wonders around the house all day or sleeps. She has a 5 minute memory now. She wouldn’t know how to cook for herself or make a drink, she can not use the phone. Dad fell in the garden the other day and she just stared at him and told him off for being ‘silly’. I worry something may happen to dad and mum wouldn’t raise the alarm.

I live in the same village as them and will see them most days. But it’s so hard seeing them go through this. I thought my dad was a strong capable person but this has broken him (he often says he may as well have dementia too as it’s ruined his life). He is 82 soon, he struggles, worries all the time and calls upon me for a lot of help. I do all I can to help them but it’s hard going as I have my own small business to run, a rescue dog and two teen dc (as well as my poor dh who hears nothing but tales of woe regarding my parents).

Dad was in denial for a long, long time which put a huge amount of stress on me and my sister but gradually he has relented a bit and agreed for mum to go to a day centre once a week (she could do with going at least twice a week but he won’t hear of it because of the cost) and a carer come in every morning to help mum shower and dress (this has been a god send).

This has all helped but the constant worry and stressing over them has taken it’s toll on my mental health (which wasn’t great to start with tbh) and I don’t think I will get through the worst of this disease without some back up, I am seriously considering some medical help and GP has offered me Prozac.

How do you cope with the strain of looking after a loved one with this dreadful, evil disease?

So sorry OP. It is the most awful disease and so devastating watching it happen to a LO. It’s happening in our family too and it’s breaking us, I don’t really know how you can make it any better except to say yes, why not try anti-depressants? I would except I am already on them, I am not ruling out increasing dose though. Honestly it’s so cruel, if there is something which will help you cope do it. You can always come off them if they don’t help.

Are you in touch with any support groups?

Pezdeoro41 so sorry to hear that you are on this journey too, it is so tough isn’t it? My friends really don’t understand, they still believe dementia is just a bit of memory loss. I am on some FB support groups which are great but in all honesty I have to take regular breaks from them because the stories are just so heartbreaking.

My DH lost his mum 3 years ago, to cancer, it was awful but FIL keeps saying at least we still have mum here. Not to downplay his grief at all as I feel so bad for him but the truth is that we don’t have mum here and dad doesn’t have his wife, yes she is there in body but she isn’t the mum I’ve known all my 50 years or the wife dad has been married to for 52 years. She is now our child.

I will definitely try the antidepressants even if it takes some of the ‘edge’ off it will be something.

When my MIL was dying (COPD) my husband went to the doctor.
The doctor said he'd be surprised if he wasn't depressed in the circumstances.

It is incredibly awful, but the medication will help you cope.

Thank you vix3rd I will definitely give them a try.

I'm sorry OP, it's awful. I still feel traumatised from helping to care for my lovely dad who now has advanced dementia for a few years. He is now in a nursing home for the last few months, as we just couldn't cope anymore. Actually, we weren't coping for a long time, we just sort of carrying on because we didn't know what else to do.

It's so hard to watch the person you love disappear before your eyes. My dad was always a quiet and gentle person, but he ended up becoming angry and violent at times, which was so hard to deal with. I know what you mean about feeling like they are now the child you have to look after - it's very weird.

I'm not sure what other advice to give, except to try and get your FIL to get as much support in as possible, carers etc. Also to start the process of looking for a nursing home long before you think you will need it, as the paperwork etc. took us months. In the end my dad went into hospital with a chest infection, along with him refusing to eat so the decision was taken away from us, but we were well past being able to deal with him at that stage.

I hope you're ok - it's such a sad and strange thing to be grieving for the person when they are still technically there. But it feels like they are already gone and replaced by a stranger.

Apologies, I meant to type father rather than FIL but it won't let me edit for some reason.