Bloody hell - POA. Just a vent.

[CharlotteBog]

My ex MIL has dementia. Her daughter and husband (not the DD's Dad) have joint POA (not severally). They cannot work together.
I am in the middle of them complaining about each other.

They have wildly different opinions on what's best for MIL.

I'm so sad for MIL and so annoyed and frustrated with the two of them.

Things will get to a stage where decisions will be taken out of their hands and neither of them will have a day in MIL's care.

Fortunately SIL has a super DH who is the voice of reason. Maybe between him and me we can calm things down.

How are you involved, did you stay close after separating from DH?
Sad that they can’t work together in her best interests.
Dementia is so cruel.

Me and my boys are closer to my ex-ILs than we were during my marriage (long story!). Both of them live pretty locally and with both having degenerative conditions I can see them fairly often.
It is very cruel.

so husband and wife don’t agree? How difficult for you, what don’t they agree on?

No, husband of MIL and daughter of MIL don't agree.

Pretty much everything!

Unfortunately this can, and does happen when it's jointly. Have they always been like this?

Me and my DSis were appointed as POAs for our DParents separately. Luckily when we've had to use them we've talked about it and agreed. Not sure why you would do it as jointly unless you're worried about the decisions one of them would make, in which case I wouldn't be putting them down.

Thats incredibly difficult. Hope you can come to a conclusion.

My own view is that if you don't trust your attorneys enough to appoint them jointly and severally, you may be appointing the wrong attorneys.

I think what happened was that SIL stamped her foot and insisted she be put down as well as step-FIL because she doesn't trust or like him. I don't think MIL had much say in the matter, she was probably patronisingly told what would be best for her. It's too late to make changes now, though I imagine there is a process in place for people to contest/revoke it - a whole world of time, money and difficulty.

I was no part of any of this, but I do manage the repercussions.

SIL and I have joint and several POA for both health and finance for FIL (her father) and that's working very well.