Showering tips

[fruitsalad87]

Does anyone have any tips to help someone with dementia shower / bathe? We have MIL staying with us for a couple of weeks and has so far not had a shower for 6 days. We don't want to embarrass her but gentle coaxing is not working and shes in need of a shower today. We really don't want her to feel embarrassed / forced into showering what is the kindest way possible to help with this?

Interested in this as my mil no longer showers & I think fil needs help.

Could you suggest you wash their hair for me ( in basin ) and then they can rinse it off in the shower.
Do you know if they used to bathe often ? Maybe lots of older people are still in mindset of once a week is enough ?

@Jennalong yes she used to shower and really take care of her appearance not long ago at all it's definitely a new thing.

Home carer here with a reputation for getting people to wash! I would say something breezily like “ oh gosh, Sunday today…let’s get your shower sorted out…now, I’ll show you how the shower works…here’s your towel…do you need a hand taking anything off, or can you manage? After you’ve had your shower we’re going to have a lovely walk/lunch out/sit in the garden….”
Some older people do shower less often, but it’s easy to underestimate the effort it can take them and how much time it can take. Add in unfamiliar surroundings and different bathroom fittings (can she manage the controls, if she is used to having grab rails to steady her does she feel safe?) showering can go from something easy and quick to being a major hurdle! Good luck 😊

@trockodile thanks so much for this. This was my thinking I've asked DH to get a towel out and explain to her how to use the shower this morning but she's said she's already dressed so no point. We're going out for lunch this afternoon so going to try again later. He's finding it really awkward as they haven't really got the closest of relationships as it is.

Apparently it’s a common thing even for people who have previously been very hygienic. I guess the advice depends what stage she’s at. Pretending you’re all going out somewhere nice? Saying you feel like you really need to shower but you’ll let her go first? Or is she beyond this kind of reasoning? Running a bath and claiming a favourite family member has got it ready for her?
sympathy cos I have more experience of this than I would like 🙁

If you get the shower on first, so the room is nice and warm, towels out and products ready on the side.

Then you can very breezily say "MIL the shower is ready for you!" "I can come give you a hand with your hair later if you like" (if needed) basically present it as thing we are doing now rather than a thing we are discussing.

Alternatively, plan a bit of a girls night, get a face mask or some nice scrub and do that then jump in the shower to rinse off, play some nice music into the bathroom as part of the spa experience.

Creativeconnectionsdementia on instagram has some great information on caring for a family member with dementia and covers washing/bathing. People’s sense of smell (and taste) can deteriorate as they get older. My grandmother complained that every soup tasted the same in her Care Home!

Some people will prefer a bath as the sensation, noise and standing in the shower can be overwhelming and you can do the same sorts of things (assuming they are ok getting in and out). Make sure the room temp is comfortable (maybe a little warmer than you'd think), everything is easily accessible etc.

A decent strip wash isn't awful most of the time if people are really reluctant to bathe and you can get things like shampoo caps that don't require any water to use.

Trying different times of day, different people prompting or different reasons (someone might wash if the doctor or a family member is visiting or they are going out) is worth doing.

Most importantly try not to get too stressed, we can manage with basic washing quite well without it being any sort of health hazard.

Probably best not to get too stressed unless you really think it’s affecting her health-clean clothes actually make a huge difference so making sure you wash everything (sneakily whiles she’s asleep if necessary!) helps 😜

What would be her usual routine when showering. Does she shower before breakfast? In the evening? A timely prompt, coming in with a clean towel for her at the right time might get her to wash.
Are the towels, facecloths, soaps suitable for her. Sometimes older people avoid bathing as their skin become finer and rougher towels or haeshbsoaps make their skin uncomfortable.

Can you organise a prompt. After exercise/ walk, getting ready to go out,... think of a scenario where her taking a shower would make sense.

Not that this helps much with MIL but I have a disability shower for DH (who has quite advanced vascular dementia). It fits two, so I jump in with him. We tend to giggle a lot.

Before the new shower was fitted I more or less resigned myself to getting drenched. I helped DH into the bath (we had an overbath shower),then I wet him, squirted shampoo on his head and encouraged him to have a go. Then I'd do the rinsing. For his body I use a puff thing with really nice smelly stuff. He had a go, then I had a go, then I rinsed him off (no easy task as he kept his eyes shut and tried hard not to move a muscle).

When I helped with my DM who had dementia, I did the same thing - I figured her womens' bits were pretty much what mine are so what the hell. I was utterly blase about it which seemed to make it easier for her to accept. I also pointed out that her self care was lacking. She'd always been a women who took good care of herself - hair, nails, cleanliness - so she was happy to accept help rather than think she might be pongy.

With my mum, we had to catch her before she got dressed in the morning. I would start running the shower, get towels ready etc then just say quite firmly, time for your shower, off you pop! Yes, there was a lot of moaning and verbal abuse but I just kept repeating that she was going to have a shower then we could go out for lunch or go shopping and edge her towards the bathroom. Once she got in the shower, she seemed to calm down as the memory of her daily showers came back, it was the hassle of getting undressed that she seemed to dislike.

Her dislike of showering continued when she lived in a care home and it t took even the most experienced staff a while to get her into the shower.