How to get support

[nearlyemptynes]

My Dad has Alzheimers. My mum is adamant she can look after him and doesn't need help. He keeps saying he is ill, symptoms like stomach ache, sweating - she calls n ambulance, they come, he is fine. I really think it is a sensory issue, he doesn't understand feelings in his body, much like a small child with a tummy ache. She has called to say he is in bed today tired and now to say he cant get out of bed or walk and she has called an ambulance. Any advice on how to get support. Will adult social care do an assessment if requested? My relationship with mum is becoming very strained. I know it is incredibly hard for her, but she is constantly asking him if he is ok and im sure this is making it worse. Any advice gratefully received.

Unfortunately something will happen to force the situation.
Unsure if SS would be involved if there are so many ambulance call outs?
It's good that you are trying to preempt the situation.
We have a similar problem, and I keep trying to tell the people involved -if we make decision now about care and support etc, then we will have a choice.
The rest of the family are sticking their heads in the sand and waiting for it to all come crashing down. That will end ip with it being an emergency and no choice will be given.

Like ohyesohyesoh said, if your mum won't accept any help at some point there will be a crisis and social services will step into do an assessment. It annoys me that when an alzheimers diagnosis has been made, you are just left to cope on your own.

After mum was diagnosed, I was handed a couple of booklets and that was it. I really struggled juggling work and looking after her until she fell and broke her hip whilst she was on her own. Unfortunately that resulted in an admission to a care home.

You could try and impress on her that the sooner she accepts help the longer the likelihood she can continue to care. If a crisis does occur social services will definitely become involved.

For your sanity, and a place to let off steam I would really recommend joining the talking point blog at Alzheimers UK. I received so much support and helpful advice there, lots of people there in just your situation.

Yes, contact adult social care at the local council. They will do a care assessment and advise on whether care would help to support your Dad. They would also be able to advise on other services (such as dementia support team).

You could try and impress on her that the sooner she accepts help the longer the likelihood she can continue to care. If a crisis does occur social services will definitely become involved.

I can't stress this enough. Your DM seems to be confusing keeping him at home for as long as possible and having to do everything herself.

If she truly does want to care for him at home, the more help she receives the longer it will be before he has to move into care.

You say that she keeps asking him if he's ok? She very understandably sounds stressed. Would she accept some counselling.

Is you DF in receipt of Attendance Allowance? If not, I'd apply for that now. It will give them extra income to spend on things like a gardener and a cleaner.

Could you write to his GP as well and make it clear that you don't want any information but you are concerned about the number of ambulance call outs and ask if he needs a medication review and a health check due to his diagnosis. His GP may or may not act upon it but in my experience they usually do.