Concerned about DH

[Herecomesdehotstepper]

DH is 70 and seems to have changed since the beginning of the year.

It's difficult to quantify and you might not notice if you just met him socially, but it's a bit like this:

1. He is suddenly very deaf and even with hearing aids can't seem to hear me. it's becoming impossible to have a normal conversation because I have to repeat things several times - every time.
2. His driving has become very erratic and sometimes quite scary, eg drifting into the next lane on a motorway.
3. One time, we stopped at services and he couldn't figure out how to get out of the car. I had to show him where the door handle was.
4. We went to a very old friend's birthday party last week where we knew pretty much everyone, except DH somehow didn't and had to keep asking me who they were.
5. We have a car problem at the moment and he is getting sooo stressed, even though he has the use of another vehicle if he needs it. This is completely unlike him.
6. Asked me where my best friend lives. In the 22 years we have known her, she has always lived in the same house.
7. No longer seems to retain information. I went to a funeral and had to keep telling him over and over again (because he kept asking me) where I was going, who I was going with, whose funeral it was and how she had died.
8. Couldn't remember his nephew's name. Thought it was Lawrence for some reason. We don't know anyone called Lawrence.
9. Increasingly reluctant to speak to family members, which is a new thing. At the moment we are waiting for the date for a family funeral, but he just will not call his sister to find out when it is.

In the last nine months, he has become not the man I married. His maternal grandmother, his mother and his maternal aunt all had dementia, so you can see why I would be concerned.

Any thoughts or advice? Thanks

Just read your updaye. There IS something wrong. Please take his car keys away. Also, ring the GP and tell them what you've said on here.

Agree with Pash, he is forcing your hand.

Make sure your GP knows you are his Carer and ask what services there are fir Carers in your area too.

I would also request a Carer's Assessment for yourself.

@Herecomesdehotstepper you know that you need to do something immediate and effective to stop him driving. This cannot go on - imagine how you would both feel if he was to cause a terrible accident, even kill someone.

Tell DVLA, inform your local police and take away the keys. This isn’t something that can wait.

If he won’t go to the GP a with you then make an appointment and go by yourself. It could be something reversible or it could be something serious including but not exclusively dementia. Whatever it is you need to know and then you can both get help and support.

Contact the GP and explain the situation. They can contact him directly and request he goes in for an 'over 70s health check'. While he's there, they can do a memory test or whatever else they think he might need.

Have seen this previously suggested on here and it seems to be an effective approach to getting them in front of the GP.

Update:

I have now spoken to the senior partner at our GP practice. He says I need to 'co-erce' DH into making an appointment and to go in with him.

The GP's view is that if people have capacity, and I think DH does at the moment. then there is nothing they can do.

This is beyond disappointing, but about par for the course for our practice.

That's frustrating OP. As nasty as it is can you threaten contacting DVLA if he refuses to go to the doctors? (If you haven't already) Or would that just go bang in the worst way? I'm not sure what else you could use to persuade him, some form of blackmail seems to be your only route if his head is so firmly in the sand.

That's so disappointing. Are they not even willing to write to him asking him to come in?

Can the GP invite him in for a "well man" check?

It would be underhand but could you ask your DH to accompany you to an appointment for you, but actually it's for him?

@Herecomesdehotstepper and in the meantime what’s happened about him driving?