Concerned about DH

[Herecomesdehotstepper]

DH is 70 and seems to have changed since the beginning of the year.

It's difficult to quantify and you might not notice if you just met him socially, but it's a bit like this:

1. He is suddenly very deaf and even with hearing aids can't seem to hear me. it's becoming impossible to have a normal conversation because I have to repeat things several times - every time.
2. His driving has become very erratic and sometimes quite scary, eg drifting into the next lane on a motorway.
3. One time, we stopped at services and he couldn't figure out how to get out of the car. I had to show him where the door handle was.
4. We went to a very old friend's birthday party last week where we knew pretty much everyone, except DH somehow didn't and had to keep asking me who they were.
5. We have a car problem at the moment and he is getting sooo stressed, even though he has the use of another vehicle if he needs it. This is completely unlike him.
6. Asked me where my best friend lives. In the 22 years we have known her, she has always lived in the same house.
7. No longer seems to retain information. I went to a funeral and had to keep telling him over and over again (because he kept asking me) where I was going, who I was going with, whose funeral it was and how she had died.
8. Couldn't remember his nephew's name. Thought it was Lawrence for some reason. We don't know anyone called Lawrence.
9. Increasingly reluctant to speak to family members, which is a new thing. At the moment we are waiting for the date for a family funeral, but he just will not call his sister to find out when it is.

In the last nine months, he has become not the man I married. His maternal grandmother, his mother and his maternal aunt all had dementia, so you can see why I would be concerned.

Any thoughts or advice? Thanks

Can you get him to see a GP (maybe with you) to get assessed. There maybe medication that will be helpful if it is early stages of dementia.

Please go to your GP straight away and get the assessment sorted although at the moment where we live it is taking upto 3 months, maybe where you are it could be quicker. The memory clinic was our first stop and they diagnosed him with dementia and to be honest the medication has done nothing for him.
Once you get a diagnosis you can apply for help re attendance allowances and 25% off your Council Tax. etc.
The first thing my husband did was stop driving as he realised he was not safe, doing things like not knowing where he was going round and round roundabouts until he realised it was the third time he done it, I think he frightened himself as well as me. Now most of the time he doesn't know which way to go to the toilet in his own house, how to dress himself and thinks I work in the hotel where he thinks he lives.

It is a dreadful disease for both us so take all the help you can get.

I think you definitely need to get him seen, but I guess it will be tricky. Would he be very indignant if you suggested it?

There are other things that can cause cognitive issues that aren't necessarily demantia/Alzheimer's, such as certain vitamin deficiencies (B12 is a common one that can cause problems with cognition and memory) and infection, so it would at least be worth ruling those out first I think. But from what you've written I think you are absolutely right to be concerned.

OP you have to stop him driving he clearly isn't safe anymore.
But this definitely needs investigating. A memory clinic might be the first step after your GP.

I'm so sorry. I think the immediate action you need to take is to take over driving responsibilities. Then an appointment with your GP, ideally with DH in attendance too.

Her husband will have to be with her at the Doctors or there is really not much point of her being there, he has to be assessed before the appointment with the memory clinic.
I told my husband we were going to Doctors so we could get medication for him and he accepted it as he wanted to know what was happening.

I would get him to the doctors even if you need to do the talking for him with a view to a referral to the memory clinic. I would also be looking to sort out health and welfare powers of attorney for him if you haven't already

I am afraid it sounds as though you are right to be concerned. An immediate first step is GP appointment, and probably find a way to dissuade him from driving - to the point of taking the keys away from him before he kills someone.

This does sound as if it could be the beginnings of dementia, but there are always other possibilities too. How much of it is he aware of?

GP first, who is likely to order some rule-it-out tests for things like anaemia and thyroid.

The new dementia medication that is becoming available all works best in the early stages so however distressing it is it's best to get started on a diagnosis as early as possible.

And definitely get power of attorney sorted for both of you, and wills and so forth.

Could be a cognitive stroke .
The effects can come on over time.He definitely needs checking.

Recognition health have lots of information online and do telephone assessments for anyone concerned about their memory.

He's aware of none of it. He's still doing some freelance work and driving from site to site, which is the real worry.

Interesting @Bin85 He was told back in 2008 that he had had a stroke and was treated accordingly. There have been a number of repeats over the intervening years, but the last neurologist he had dealings with (over the phone) said it is migraine, so now he thinks he's invincible!

@vix_85 I will look at Recognition Health. Thank you

You are right to be concerned. First stop is a visit with him to his GP, and initial tests and a referral to the memory clinic for further evaluation. We found the GP won't contact the dvla (I contacted them on behalf of my own family member with a formal dementia diagnosis). Organise POA also. Once you have a formal diagnosis the memory clinic can suggest support and possible drugs (dependent on dementia type I think).

He needs to stop driving. My DM and a younger woman were killed in a head on collision by a pensioner 'drifting' into the wrong lane. You've had the warning, you need to act.

Stop him driving now. For all of the terrible reasons stated above. Awful.

My mother has dementia. And yes, so sorry this does sound like it is, although a stroke history could mean an alternative explanation.

You know he's not safe to drive even if he doesn't. Do something.

I'm so sorry this sounds very much like dementia, possibly vascular dementia. I would get your dh to the gp and get a referral to the memory clinic.

This is a really difficult situation but you must stop him driving immediately.

Make a GP appointment and go with him

That sounds incredibly worrying, and I agree with the others that he should see a doctor. Do you drive? If so I think you should take over all driving responsibilities. Would he accept it if you said the car was in for service? Would he remember that?

I'm so very sorry for you loss 

@Herecomesdehotstepper have you managed to get your DH to the GP yet?

Update.

I have suggested, I have asked, I have got angry, I have begged and pleaded, all to no avail.

If there is anything going on, he says he does not want to know.

He will not even go to the GP about a physical issue he has.

I don't know what to do now

I can only begin to imagine how hard it is for you. Will he go if you contact the GP and get them to admit him to come in under a "Well Man" type check.

Did you contact the DVLA?

OP please report him to the DVLA, I understand it will seem like a massive betrayal but by your own admission his driving has become scary so you need to stop him driving before he causes an accident.
It's his fault by refusing to acknowledge what's going on, I would say his refusal to engage forces your hand in this regard.

That all sounds very worrying and is possibly dementia. Please don't allow him to drive if he's not safe to do so. A relative of mine is 70, has Alzheimer's, and has all the symptoms you've described. He was diagnosed about 3 or 4 years ago.