Fed Up of This

[getmeoutofherenowthen]

My parent has had Alzhiemer's for about four years. I was low contact with him as it wasn't great parenting.

When his memory became bad I was drawn into helping him. I have done all sorts of things to help as well as working full time. I've tried to be kind as, quite frankly, I feel sorry for him.

He has made things more difficult due to his awkward behaviour and this has resulted in more work for me. I wasn't allowed power of attorney and had to apply for deputyship and pay all the solicitor's fees.

Then he sometimes won't allow the carers into the house so he doesn't get his medication and this has to be all sorted out as well as repairs etc to his house.

I've got to the point where I sometimes don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I wish I had moved away years ago so that other family members could sort all this out.

I probably sound bloody awful and I know it's a horrible illness but I sometimes get flashbacks to my childhood and wonder why I bother trying to be kind.

You don't sound awful at all. It's a difficult situation to be in, caring for a P who hasn't cared for you when you we're vulnerable.

Could you get some counselling to work out where your boundaries are? It sounds as though you're already doing more than you're comfortable with.

Have you requested a Carer's Assessment? If he hadn't had one recently he probably needs a Care Needs Assessment too. I'd make sure you're there when he has that one as he's unlikely to know what things he struggles with as he simply won't remember.

Forgot to ask if you're in touch with your local Carer's group too? Ours have been very good.