Husband in denial and its breaking up our family

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Hi,
Not sure what I'm expecting from posting, but here goes. For the last ten years or so my husband has been going through depression. In addition though he has started repeating himself, confuses all colours, can't string a coherent sentence together, can't solve basic practical problems, and undergoes severe mood swings. He does strange things, like cutting the wires in the light in my home office cos he doesn't want me working. He gets severe mood swings shouts and swears at my daughter to the point she has sought pastoral care in school. He seems to have lost all sense of what is appropriate behaviour. I think he has dementia and have begged him to get help, but despite getting worse, he refuses to do so. I'm at my wits end. He nearly bankrupted us spending money every day, but is unable to hold down a job and won't claim benefits as there is according to him, nothing wrong. I love him deep down and know he is sick, but if he refuses help, I'm not sure what to do. I don't think he could look after himself if I left.

Have you contacted his GP and shared your concerns? They can't tell you anything, but they can listen. They can then call him in on the pretext of an over x age health check or whatever. DF had to do this with DGM when her alzheimers symptoms starred.

If he does have dementia, he isn't in denial, his dementia stops him from understanding that anything is wrong with him.

From his point of view - he doesn't think he has a memory problem, however weird things keep happening to him which clearly aren't his fault so he suspects it's all your fault and shouts at you. Similarly he can't remember that he spent all the budget yesterday so he feels happy to spend it all over again today.

Your best best is to share your worries with his GP, and get an appointment booked 'for a health check' which you go to with him.

Thanks, but I've spoken to them and they are well aware, as his mother died of prion disease so there is an increased risk. They say I should be concerned, but they can't do anything unless I can get him in to discuss . Even if he's diagnosed, he won't even take his depression tablets, so I'm not sure it will do a huge amount of good. I just want my husband back, and not this stranger

Thank you for your reply, its a useful and important perspective from his side. I want to do the right thing, but I also have to take care of my daughter. Her dad's behaviour already caused one of my sons to move out.

You need some kind of GP involvement for a start. There is something happening cognitively, whether it's hepatic encephalitis, dementia or something else entirely, he really needs medical input asap. Good luck OP!

That's such a great description.

I wish you luck OP, it sounds like a terrible situation and for me ultimately it would be the safety of my DC that would get priority

Sorry wanted to add that if the GP does know, ciukd you ask them to write to him to come in for a "Well Man Check"?

If you are unsure that it will work, could you ring 111 and ask for advice?

*could

Do you have the same GP?

Can you go together for an appointment for you? Ask your GP for a carer's assessment and give them all the details of what you're dealing with in front of him. Tbh I actually wonder if he's psychotic. You don't have to name what has happened, just describe it.

Sorry to hear this OP.
was his mother known to have a genetic cause of prion disease?
If so, you could contact the prion unit in london for advice. https://www.ucl.ac.uk/national-prion-clinic/clinic-services

However, I think it would be helpful to ask for an urgent GP review. I am not very familiar with the Mental Health Act but I believe it allows detention for assessment purposes and can be used if someone is behaving in a way dangerous to themselves or others. If his behaviour is aggressive or puts himself or you/your kids at risk this could apply.

Good luck. 💐

Thanks so much for all your kind advice.

How are things tonight?

Does he drink? DF had dementia symptoms at 50 thanks to
ARBD (brain damage from
alcohol) and NHS cleared him
4x of dementia.

NHS was wrong. Loads of brain diseases present in middle age. Dementia is not just an age problem. Most brain problems look like dementia at first. Most NHS HP don’t know much about brain disorders. By ‘much’ I mean ‘shit’.

Crucially, a lot of brain diseases are curable. But DH won’t get treatment if the NHS refuse a diagnosis. DF’s disease was - then. Now he’s moving onto his second decade of private care. The damage he’s done to his family is horrifying.

See a neurologist. Private if nec.. Protect your DD. She won’t thank you for putting an abusive man above her well-being, neither should she.

As others have said, lack of insight is a recognised symptom of some degenerative neurological conditions.

I would write to the GP with your concerns, his family history as this is really important, and the impact on your children.

If he drives mention this and also mention anything he has done which is potentially dangerous (cutting electrical wires).

State that you feel he lacks insight into his situation and Ask them to see him to assess his capacity and, if appropriate, refer him to neurology, if it is in his best interests.

Then book an appointment for YOU to discuss the stress you are under.