Dementia wing at home

[Hairydogmummy]

Hi All....my Nan who is 91 and has vascular dementia has recently gone in to a care home. My mum had her with her for a short time but couldn't manage as she was too stressed by the constant questions and waking at night. These are her main issues, getting confused over who people are in terms of their relationship to her and who is dead and where she lives. She can still recognise most people as long as they're in the expected context and can still hold a conversation very well. She is in the dementia wing which is a separate locked part of the home. The rest of the residents are much worse than my Nan so she is struggling because she can't have a conversation with any of them. Are all care homes like this? Would it be reasonable for us to ask if she could go and mix with the other residents during the day? Mum is visiting every day, plus friends and the rest of the family as often as we can.

My mum was in a care home which was small - 15 residents and they were all mixed abilities. Mum had dementia but a few of the residents were totally compus mentus and they all just mingled in the loung, dining room and gardens.

There was no segregation at all x

Thanks! I was quite perturbed by it to be honest. They are all shut in this wing. Thankfully my Nan is being allowed to go in the 'normal' bit next week.

I think the wandering could be the issue here.

DMIL could mix a little when she first went into a Care Home but she quickly had to be moved into a more secure area as she always tried to get out and she was quick!

Has your DM spoken to the Home's Manager?

Hi @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto yes she has...the manager approached her and said they're moving Nan as she's not as far advanced as the others. The other bit is also secure I think but I am a bit worried she'll try to wander. She has some days she's just a bit forgetful but others like yesterday when she's totally confused. She didn't know she'd been put in a care home, that this was the care home etc. I had to explain it all several times in the hour I was there. The others are still worse though. They can't hold a conversation at all. They're like shells. It's horrible for Nan seeing what she may well become and I don't like the way the carers speak to them. I just pray that the physical ailments she has may mean she never gets that far. Dementia is so heartbreaking.

How do the Carers speak to the residents?

You might not need to explain she's in a care home. My DMIL thought she was on holiday and got very confused if you tried to persuade her otherwise so we just went along with it.

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto getting right in their faces and speaking really loudly. 'There's other people here, not just you' I asked if they were hard of hearing and she said 'no, she can hear me alright, she's just being awkward thank god she's only hear for respite'. I get what you're saying about going along with it but she didn't have an idea where she was and wanted to go and cook her own dinner!

That's perfectly normal for people with Dementia. Distraction is usually a very good way to placate them. So say, I don't think it's Dinner time quite yet, would you like to look at these photos/have sine hand cream on/watch the tv for a bit?

I would be concerned about the staff speaking to residents like that too. What are the reviews for the home like?

Thanks @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto yes I'll try that. To be honest I'm not sure DM looked at reviews. She's very highly strung and suffering from anxiety and as soon as Nan wandered off once which we felt was unsafe, she went to stay with her but was waking her in the night and asking constant questions in the day and DM just couldn't cope so within 2 weeks she had decided to put her in the nearest home. I wasn't comfortable with it but both DM and my sister were very decisive and I can't interfere really as I work full time and can't have her live with me so didn't feel I could say anything. DM was at the end of her tether and she doesn't have a very long tether. All that said, it's summer holidays soon so I'm off work and will look for somewhere else if she's no better in the other part of the home. It's smells of wee, is quite run down and the food looks horrible too. Wish we could afford private but we can't.

Smelling of wee and getting in the faces of residents isn't good. We've had experience of a Care Home and a Nursing Home and neither did this.

Have a look for reviews and reports on the CQC but also look at reviews from residents and relatives online.

The Care Home DMIL was in was shabby but the staff we're incredibly kind and caring towards her and obviously felt an affection for her.

I do think your DM was right in that she needs full time care. Usually the cut off is when they need supervision at night and your Nan does if she's wondering. It's for her own safety.

Perhaps a different home would be better but do best in mind that Dementia Patients often deteriorate with a move so getting her into a different home might make her worse.

Unfortunately it's a devastating disease and she's only hearing one way. Today is the best she'll ever be so try and enjoy how she is now and maybe look at some ways of communicating with people with Dementia

I’m afraid the smell and the lack of empathy for the residents do make it sound like it’s not a good place. Sounds like the staff lack training. If there’s an alternative place maybe have a visit - they should be quite happy with you doing that - and as a PP says shabbiness, as long as the place is clean, isn’t usually important.

Thanks. I feel I'm doing okay with communication with her. It's DM I worry about. I bought a book and read it but she won't and constantly argues back trying to tell her she's wrong or that she already told her something 10 times. She's always ringing me to update me on what Nan has said or done. She's better since Nan has been in the home though as she's able to sleep and get away from it.

Looking after someone with Dementia can be very frustrating and we've had experience of it causing upset on the family. DFIL would regularly shout at DMIL and cause her to be very upset. Something that a few members of the family can't forgive him for but being with someone with Dementia 24/7 is not something that everyone can cope with. I know that I'd struggle.

Just to update...Nan was moved in to the non dementia bit of the home at the instigation of the manager rather than us but they moved her back within 2 days because she kept wandering in to the others' rooms. Decline seems so steep and up and down which is apparently the case with vascular dementia.