Mother in law sizing up our box room?

[NewtonsCradle]

I think my brother and sister in law are scheming to have me become my mother in law's carer. DH and I live in a small house with our 7 month old baby and are planning at least one more baby in the next couple of years. DH has a stressful office job and I am a sahp (for the next 4 years). DH is 12 years younger than his brother (who works part time from home) his wife works part time and they have adult children who have moved out from their 4 bedroom home. DH and I have lived in our current house for 6 years and his brother has never visited. His mother visited once, none of them have met our baby yet. We live a couple of hours drive away, it isn't a massive journey but DH and his family barely speak and just aren't close. However MiL has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and ever since BiL has been phoning us to update us about MiL (he visited her once to complete power of attorney paperwork so he can control her estate). I am concerned that SiL and BiL are angling to have MiL come and live here. MiL rang recently to say how she wants to meet her GC... It's been 7 months without a visit or any interest but now she wants to come visit. BiL rang shortly afterwards to say how lovely it would be for us all to meet up here (again it's been 4 years without a visit and 7 months with a baby). Any advice on how to stop my DH from being guilted into having his mother become a full time resident in our box room?

If this is ever seriously suggested - other than a short visit - please put your foot down very firmly. Until you’ve done it, it’s almost impossible to understand how stressful and exhausting dementia can be. Dh and I were blithely clueless before we had FiL (vascular dementia) come to live with us - just gently getting more forgetful - how hard can that be?

I could write an essay - suffice it to say that after a year I was on my knees and we were looking for a nice care home. When it came to my mother, several years later (Alzheimer’s) I don’t mind admitting that having her move in wasn’t even a consideration. We supported her at home as best we could, but there will so often comes a point where 24/7 care and supervision is needed, and it’s incredibly hard to provide that in a normal domestic situation - not to mention very likely risky with babies/small children.

At one point when dd1 was a small baby I was staying with my folks when a GM who had not too advanced dementia was also staying. She started thinking the baby was hers and wondered what ‘that girl’ (me, a formerly favourite Gdd!) was doing with her. Added to which, she was wandering at night, knocking on neighbours’ doors at 2 am - my mother was freaking out in case she took it into her head to wander off with the baby.
Had to have a bolt put on my bedroom door!

This.

Can't see how they're setting you up. What did stand out is that you said your MIL with Alzheimer's hasn't visited or seen your baby. With respect why has your dh not visited his mother and brought the baby. It doesn't sound like she'd be able to travel independently so the expectation that she would seems off.

Thanks for the constructive replies that addressed what I said. I will be very plain in saying no now rather than waiting for the idea to crop up.