Early signs?

[Stripedbag101]

My mum is early seventies and my gran had dementia.

I have noticed she can’t remember word - they just leave her and she is finding it very frustrating.

I have also noticed some of her personality traits are becoming exaggerated. She always liked being the centre of attention but has become much worse - and I am ashamed to say it can be embarrassing. As an example we were walking back to car from Sunday brunch and a very glamorous older lady (who may have been trans gender) walked into a church - my mum shouted oh my gosh look at that. I was horrified and scolded her - she completely dismissed me.lots of things she does now are over exaggerated and almost as if she is acting to an audience that isn’t there.

does this sound familiar to those who are coping with parents with dementia? this ain’t a complete personality change - but it does get worse if she is under stress.

My aunt had dementia the first inkling we had was the at she felt she was being spied on. She was always quiet and shy, no big personality change, she also passed the psychiatric test (DM didn’t know the answers to some of the questions-DM is fine though, just awful at maths and common knowledge).

My uncle on the other hand has told the family that he thinks he has dementia, his memory is failing him, can’t recall where he put his dentures for example - they were down the toilet.

My FIL has also said he thinks he’s “losing it”,
short term memory loss, tells the same stories
over and over during the same phone call, will ring back and tell the same story, gets frustrated, agitated, lack of patience, deaf (but won’t get help).

I don’t think there’s a one size fits all. If you’ve noticed a change it may be worthwhile asking her to make an appointment for some tests.

I'd say yes it could be. You describe world finding difficulties and changes to personality, she becoming more outspoken this can happen from changes in the frontal lobe of the brain.

How is she functionally? Is she managing her home, finances and liking after herself as well as a previous?

Keep notes if the onset and how it progresses as this can help with the subtype of dementia.

Word not world

She seems to be managing okay - but I suspect my dad would cover up for a lot of it.

there have been no dramatic changes .

my did copes with issues by ignoring them.

yes I need to talk to him - see if he has noticed.

MIL has quite advanced dementia now, but her first signs were telling me the same story about 7 times in 3 weeks as well as asking completely ridiculous questions like ... to me (in my forties at the time) "did YOU have to carry a gas mask in the war?"

She also lost her filter... would say "oh isn't she fat now","that's a very unfortunate nose" etc.

She then progressed through people "taking things". She'd mislay something, but it was "the cleaner must have taken the biscuits....", "the bus driver took my purse" etc

Now she speaks very little.

Yes. DMIL had Vascular Dementia and looking back some of the first signs were forgetting names or words and being less inhibited. Like a PP said, this can be because of changes to the frontal lobes.

Let us know how the talk goes with your DF. One thing we tried to get over to DFIL but failed somewhat was that if its addressed, there may be support and possibly mediation available. Turns out though that DFIL was as good at shoving his head in the sand as he was at covering things up.

My DM's early signs of Alzheimer's were struggling to find everyday words, loss of filter, repetition (same story several times over in one phone call), and not being able to find things/ putting things where they'd never belonged before.

That said, I know my memory isn't what it was - I'm sure it can be a sign of aging without suggesting dementia. It's when you add the other things together like behaviour changes that it might indicate dementia.

Have a chat with your Dad to see if he's noticed anything (although be aware he might well be in denial) . Early diagnosis is important as I know for Alzheimer's at least there is now medication that can slow down the progress for a while.

Thank you all.

the chat with my dad will be difficult. He is a bit of a know it all and very dismissive. Also very outdated views on mental health.

I am also being a bit selfish - I’m not ready for this.

No, you aren't being selfish at all. You're doing the right thing. Keep an eye on things and see if they deteriorate.

Do you have Lasting Power or Attorney for your parents? Appreciate it's another difficult conversation but would strongly recommend having the discussion sooner rather than later, even if it turns out that currently she doesn't have any kind of dementia. Just in case either of your parents lose capacity, after which it will be too late. You need different forms for financial and medical.
A good way to open up these conversations is ' my friend Rocking's parents have put LPA in place, it seems like a good idea, shouldn't we do that?' (There are occasion's where little white lies are ok - unless you do actually know someone who has done it).
'I've noticed Mum is forgetting some words. My friend Rocking's Mum was the same and they gave her some tablets to help' (without mentioning dementia or that the tablets can't improve things, just stall it a bit).
Just some thoughts but don't know your parents obviously.

A good way to open up these conversations is ' my friend Rocking's parents have put LPA in place, it seems like a good idea, shouldn't we do that?' (There are occasion's where little white lies are ok - unless you do actually know someone who has done it).

That's exactly how we got LPAs with the ILs, and thank God we did as the last few years have been bad enough with them in place.

My DPs asked for them and we told the ILs and they thought about it and asked DH and DSIL to be their LPAs.