Needing Advice

[DreadingWinter]

My first post. Long time commentator.

DH met post divorces and with children of our own. He's been a wonderful husband and step dad and grandad to my DC and DGC.

He's been a bit forgetful for the last year or so. This week it's ramped up. An example is that we had a discussion about a near neighbour's door number this morning as we've been asked to house mind for the next few weeks. He thought it was Y turned out to be X. Half an hour later labelled the key Y. I reminded him that we had had a discussion and he couldn't remember, then pretended he had. I'm in tears as this has been happening so much the last few days.

I know he could pass any test to detect dementia and publicly he seems fine. He chaired a big meeting last week and was totally in control, but had notes in front of him.

I spoke to him yesterday and said how worried I am about him. He was totally unconcerned. Today I got frustrated with him.

Can anyone advise me how to bite my tongue and cope with this without upsetting him? I'm not a patient person, but I love DH so much.

My mum is the person I know about with dementia but what you have said about your husband is very similar to the spells my dad used to have. He would have been about 43 when it first happened - he went a bit odd and had a bout of amnesia. He had all sorts of scans and tests and nothing was wrong. The only common factor was stress. It happened on and off over the years - maybe every five years or so. He would become very vague or he would ask "Why are we doing this?" or he would go out (he used to do a lot of voluntary work - often on his own) and would come home not knowing where he had been or what he had done.

My mum would be so worried every time and would express her anxiety by being frustrated and irritated with him. But nothing was ever diagnosed.

Aside from these odd spells he was fit and healthy (until the last few weeks before he died at 81 he was walking 10 miles a day) and completely rational and normal. When he was having one of his spells (which usually lasted for three of four days) it seemed like dementia but it would clear and he would be back to his rational/helpful/active self.

I can understand why you are worried but it could be stress