Telling a dementia patient about a loss

[DuckDuckNo]

Mama is in a care home and she is pretty far gone at the moment, remembers things from decades ago but what I tell her will only register for a few minutes at best. She still asks about people and is worried about them.

Her only living sibling passed away suddenly a couple of days ago and Papa passed away the next day.

My fear is this: when I tell her, I have to tell her again and again and devastate her and break her heart every time I see her.

But I can't just.. not tell her and hold the funerals and not let her know can I?

I’m so sorry for your losses, and for having to deal with this.

I think I’d go with “Papa sends you his love but he can’t visit today” or something. It’s respectful and kind to you both. Perhaps she can sign the flower card for her sister, then you’ll feel she’s ‘present’ at the funeral?

For her sibling and for her husband, I should have said.

My MIL has dementia. She doesn't remember her husband is dead.
Every now and again something triggers a memory (like being in hospital) and she remembers and is sad. Her dementia has stopped her processing the grief, so each time she remembers it's like it has just happened.
I wouldn't put your Mum through that if you can avoid it.

My gran doesnt know my papa is dead , its hard but she would be devastated every time someone told her so its kinder that she doesnt know.

@PritiPatelsMaker DH has POA but can this be used whilst his mum is still of sound mind as she’s next of kin?

DH has POA but can this be used whilst his mum is still of sound mind as she’s next of kin

Yes it can and we've had to do it recently when DFIL was making decisions that let's say weren't in DMIL's best interests.