Parent's Weight

[adiosamigos]

My parent is in the early stages of Alzhiemer's. She has morning carers and this works well to give her medication and take her out.

As she is very skinny she gets weighed every month by the carer and the weight is emailed to a memory nurse. I dread this in case she has lost weight. Over the past couple of months her weight has remained about the same.

Ideally I would like to get her an additional carer in the evenings to make her a decent meal and make sure she eats it. The problem is I don't yet have deputyship so I don't know if she can afford it.

My parent has a decent breakfast, nutrition drinks (although she is not keen on them), hasn't eaten lunch for years and then has a meal in the evenings. She can manage to cook basic meals and ready meals.

I order her a healthy takeaway now and again which she enjoys and try to get her to eat ice creams and snacks.

Meals on wheels in the area only deliver at lunch time. When I give her chocolate bars it's like her whole attitude to food has changed and it's an effort to eat.

Has anyone experienced this with a family member or have any suggestions? Thanks

I should add that I wouldn't be the best person to try and get her to eat.

That does sound difficult, especially as you don't have deputyship.

Does she have a SW?

No. I spoke to social services but as she has to pay for care herself and is able bodied we didn't think it was worth them doing an assessment. She has regular reviews with her GP and the memory nurse.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she hasn't lost anymore weight this month.

Is she paying for her care because she had savings above the limit?

If so, she could probably afford a cater in the evening?

Yes, that's right but the problem is that I've only got an idea of her savings. I don't feel comfortable going through the process to get extra care without knowing the state of her finances. It is so expensive!

I guess it would be cheaper to get her a takeaway every week as she enjoyed the last one.

One of the carers has tried meal preparation and planning with her but it hasn't worked.

What do the Memory Clinic do if she's dropped her weight?

She won't go to the memory clinic. She has home reviews from a memory nurse. She has suggested getting more care but I have explained the money situation. The GP said to hold off for now but I feel if she has lost weight this month something needs to be done.

I am probably stressing as her weight may well remain the same this month.

That all does sound quite stressful and made more so probably by the lack of LPA.

How's the Deputyship application coming on?

If your mum has Alzheimers then it's just a matter of time before you will need to take control of her finances. I take it you don't already have POA and are applying for deputyship? How would she feel about you looking into her savings? My mum was very happy to delegate all that to me quite early on.

are there snacks that she really loves that you could make sure we're always on the shopping list. Things that are calorific. Creamy yoghurt, chocolates, ice creams, biscuits. Sometimes Lorne and often is better than trying to eat a big meal.
Would she eat a main meal at lunchtime? Most areas have a hot meal delivery service which is cheaper than having a carer in but still provides a moment each day where someone else is visiting and will raise alarm if mum not well etc. I think you can request smaller portions and our local one called Appetito will also make a tea and put it in the fridge.
If mum is genuinely still managing her coming though it would be a shame to take that from her
My other suggestion would be to see if she had a local Age UK day centre as humans see eating as a communal activity and people often eat better in company. They normal provide transport and she could go as many times a week as she wanted. Age UK also provide volunteer visitors for people but this would be weekly at most.

If you are close enough to visit, could you ask her if she wants you to help her look at her finances?

I also think the key might be to ask her if Hulu can help her with her bills and banking, although obviously she can say no.

Also agree with looking at daycare options. There are a couple of lunch clubs near to us where they'll pick up and drop off.

*you not Hulu. My bloody keyboard seems to be living its own life this week!

How are things this week @adiosamigos?

Thanks for all your comments.

She hasn't lost any weight this month so I can relax. The takeaways and buying her treats must have worked. I noticed empty nutrition drink bottles in the bin so she must be having those too.

She doesn't want me to look at her bank statements. It makes her feel out of control.

I will continue to try and take it one day at a time and try to stop over thinking.