Elderly gran advice

[Macaroni1924]

My gran is 90, always been a very strong and determined woman. Hard on the outside but soft on the in.
My parents are her main carers and her other son helps out occasionally but bare minimum. Often cancelling his visits and doesn’t seem to understand the impact this has on her.
For a number of years I have felt she showed early signs of dementia more with her balance, withdrawal from conversations, harsh comments (she has always been harsh but this is a new level).
Recently she has been confused on a few occasions. Last night she called my mother in the middle of the night wanting to know where she was as she was supposed to be visiting. She was very confused as adamant she had got up at her usual time. This was obviously very upsetting. Today at her usual visit she is very embarrassed about the whole thing. My grandfather had Alzheimer's and although I was young I will never forget the fear on his face when he knew he was confused. It’s that fine line when they are still with us enough to know they are getting something wrong. It’s such a heartbreaking disease to see loved ones go through.
What should our next steps be? Would it be useful for us to keep a diary for the Doctor?
She lives alone, with daily visits, multiple phone calls but in the past year we have been preparing her for moving which she hasn’t wanted to accept.
I feel sad and worried for my gran but I am also worried about the toll this is taking on my own parents who are no longer young themselves. The stress it causes my mum and the guilt she feels each day is hard to watch. She herself is very emotional about it all and wishes she could do more. Trust me she can’t, she works so hard to ensure my gran has everything she needs whilst putting up with a lot of abuse, bad moods and no thanks.
How can I support my parents through this any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks x

Firstly it’s important to speak to a GP and get a urine sample checked to see if she has a UTI. This can present as sudden confusion elderly patients.
It would also be worthwhile asking for her to have blood tests as there are a number of treatable issues that can present as confusion and changes in personality such as thyroid issues, B12 deficiency & Vitamin D deficiency (both very common in older people) low iron etc.
The dr might do a mini mental state examination and, depending on the findings and results of blood test/urine sample, they will be able to refer to the memory clinic for assessment.

it is better to get the ball rolling sooner rather than later as there are treatments that could help with some Alzheimer’s symptoms. It would also be worth your parents getting POA in place as if she does have Alzheimer’s as it can make things a lot easier.

Age concern have lots of advice for carers, it might be worth looking on their website and Dementia U.K. website and Alzheimer’s society website too.

DF has Alzheimer’s, as did both DGM, it’s a terrible cruel disease .

Thanks @HelpIneedsomebodywontyouplease I should have mentioned she is not long out of hospital after a weeks stay where she had every test and scan under the sun due to an infection. I will double check that they did a urine sample though, thanks. They asked her some questions but not ones I think are easy. One was when’s the queens birthday, I mean I couldn’t tell you the exact date for that just a round about time of year.
Have had a big chat with my mum and she is going to take her back to the gp to discuss further, it’s really concerning. She’s going to take notes of all incidents from now on so that she has examples and frequency.
I will have a wee look at those thanks and then forward my mum any parts she may find helpful.
She had further confusion this afternoon but she is with it enough to try and cover her tracks when she makes mistakes. She was mortified today, just so sad to see her become a shadow of herself, she’s got so small and old so quickly. With my grandfather he had mini strokes when sleeping at night and would wake up forgetting the previous days events. Things did get very bad but that was how he started out. Wondering if something similar has happened to her.
Its a terrible thing, sorry you are going through it too.

What they test in hospital for an infection won’t likely cover thyroid function, Vitamin D - they may, if a full blood count was a little out- have added an anaemia screen which would cover B12/folate and ferritin but that isn’t guaranteed so it really would still be worth checking with the GP about bloods and checking for a UTI, it’s good your mum will take her to speak to them.
I couldn’t tell you the queens actual birthday! I only know her official birthday is June because of the jubilee, those were tough questions for anyone! It is a terrible thing, it’s lovely your Gran has you all looking out for her, hopefully the GP can set the ball rolling and you can get some answers one way or another.

it might be worth, if DGM doesn’t claim it already, looking into Attendance Allowance as she is needing your M& D helping so much, the forms are hellish to fill in but Age concern do have people who will come and visit and help your mum fill them in if needed.

Brilliant thank you so much. I will write all this down for my mum to ask the Doctor. Luckily the Doctor has been great and because my mum is her carer will speak to her alone about my gran too meaning my mum can be more honest.
Perfect thanks I’m not sure on this one but will check. Right now it’s all her shopping, daily visits for company/newspaper, housework, taking her for pension and appointments. I don’t know how my mum does it she’s amazing. She still works too and is a fabulous gran to my little one.
My husband and I have been looking at a bigger house to see if we can have her live with us. I’d be grateful of the company due to his long hours and she’s always been one to need a purpose so the wee one will certainly give her that! I think it would be too much for my parents but even then I know they will have her in a heartbeat. I feel they should be winding down but I suppose the alternative would mean my gran wasn’t here which doesn’t bare thinking about 😢
You have been really helpful and given me some great info to check and move forward with, thank you x