Sundowning - Advice please

[2010Aussie]

Mum has been referred by her GP to a Memory Clinic - we are waiting for an appointment. She is also undergoing tests for some relatively minor physical problems. I currently live with her.

The problem is that she turns into a completely different person around 5-6pm. Most of the day, she is lucid, knows where she is, who people are etc. She is forgetful and repeats herself but you can have a reasonable conversation with her. But she can then change within 10 minutes to someone who is aggressive, unreasonable, doesn't recognise me, insists that family members who are long dead are coming to visit, won't eat, won't go to bed. I come home to face this on a regular basis and it is having a detrimental effect on my mental and physical health.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this please?

My dad was like this. We found blackout blinds pulled down later in the day helped massively. It was a long time ago and I've blanked out the worst of it now, but I do remember it was to do with shadows and dark spots in the room.

Can you try giving your Mum a task/job to do around this time? Doesn't have to be complicated. I've always found sundowning in women is linked to a feeling they should be 'doing something' at around 4pm. When years ago children/partner would have been coming home from school/work. So they feel uneasy about doing nothing but can't explain why.

Is she getting tired or hungry and that’s why it happens at this time ?

If I am around at that time, I can ask her to help me prepare the meal or engage her in some other activity. I do think that helps. But often I'm not back from work until 6pm by which time it's too late and I walk into a difficult situation.

@KangarooKenny Yes, I do think that her being tired and hungry does make it worse but she doesn't really want to eat unless I put the food in front of her and won't have a rest of her own accord if she is tired. Even when I am around in the afternoon and can see that she is getting tired, she still won't have a rest and ends up getting overtired.

2010Aussie Will your Mum answer the phone if you ring and ask her to do something? Say, if you put a whiteboard/post it note up to link to your call? It can be something simple like folding laundry. Not necessarily clean stuff that you need doing. It might be the same stuff over again. But just something to take the edge off her uneasy feeling that she should be 'doing something'.

Yes, that's a good idea. I'll try her with doing the washing - she likes that.

Give it a try. As I say, it doesn't have to things you actually need done. Just anything that takes the edge off that feeling of an unmet need at that time of day. I've worked with older people for 30 years. It can really be something as simple as folding towels, laying the table (it might not be right!). But just something to nip that cycle of distress for your Mum and you.