How would I go down the route of getting my mom investigated for dementia?

[SummersBreeze]

My mom is nearly 70 and she's going senile. It's not showing as confusion or forgetfulness that you would associate with dementia. There is some mixing up of names and forgetting things but so far it's very mild and hardly noticable.

There's other things going on with her. It's all so hard to explain. Basically since the beginning of this year, I am pieceing together bits and pieces of her behaviours and I think dementia might be setting in with her. She's different every day. Some days she is better than others thank other days there's something up with her. It's hard to explain and pinpoint.

GP first port of call.
Is your mum aware things aren’t right? Would she go to the GP of her own volition or would you need to take her/arrange the appointment?

She can go to a memory clinic for a diagnosis if that's what you want. She needs a referral from her gp.

Get power of attorney, regardless of whether it is or isn't dementia. It will make life much easier in the future.

You need to start off with your GP who will do an inital assessment and then if needed they will refer, Its a hard uphill battle but the sooner you get a diagnosis the sooner you can deal with it, if you can get an appoinment maybe write a confidentail email or letter to the doctor stating your concerns and what she is forgettig or doing. You need to get consent from your mum that the doc can discuss her file with you though...

Agree re power of attorney ..

Make a note every time you notice something wrong/off. It helps build up a picture of what’s going on.

My mum's dementia started with more extreme forms of her normal behaviour so, like you say, difficult to pinpoint. So she was always anxious about security but this became worse and she started to lock cupboards and doors and then lock the keys in another cupboard and then hide the final key.
As it got worse, she forgot the names for things. Eg, vegetables. And so on. I think dementia presents differently in different people.
Hopefully, it won't be dementia, though, just old age.

Also agree, sort out POA before anything else, especially as it's so subtle it could be nothing.

She will need to consent to being assessed (first by the GP, who will also do some bloods/urine tests to check it's not something else, then by the memory clinic/whatever it's called locally.)

Does she have any idea you are thinking this?

Even without power of attorney, it's useful if she signs a letter for her gp to give you permission to access her records and speak to the doctor on her behalf. As she gets older, this will save you time and stress.

There's something like this happening. It was January of this year when I noticed something was off with her and my mind started spinning into thinking of the possibility of dementia but it is hard to pinpoint exactly because it's not showing up as a typical forgetfulness. There's something not quite right with her. When I started realising this I was able to go back 4 years to 2018 and there were issues back then too but I took them as stand alone, once off things. It's only now that I can piece so much more together and I really think there is something not quite right.

Just today I noticed within her laundry drying, I noticed some of my underwear. She never ever washed my clothes nor I want her to wash my clothes but there in full view amongst her laundry was some of my bras. I noticed I was going low on bras and I never knew where they went missing to. What's worse is that we are completely different sizes but there she is with my underwear.

Also today she was talking about my brothers and she got it right most of the time but mixed up their names once. It wasn't the first time she mixed up their names. So like I say, the forgetfulness and confusion is mild.

She's not able to comprehend the energy crisises and how we all must make changes to reduce consumption or we will ha e to pay through the roof with high bills. Today she started re-organsing the linen cupboard and she put already clean bedlinen back into the laundry to wash again to freshen up. These loads I think could be managed at a 30C temperature considering the energy crisis and especially considering they are clean already. 40C max. She did this load at 60 with an extra rinse to boot.
She really isn't able to comprehend the energy crisis and what it means.

She was the same way during the pandemic. She understood some of the guidelines but at first she was laughing at the social distancing in queues. She wasn't ever able to comprehend the advice to keep your germs to yourself so she was someone who would cough and sneeze into someone elses direction without a care in the world. She wasn't able to comprehend the idea of an incubation period for the virus and being a potential carrier of the virus.

There were other bits and pieces too over the past 1 to 4 years but it's hard to pinpoint and explain.

My mam isn't aware of my thinking's that something isn't right.

I don't know if she would welcome that conversation with me. I am afraid. I do t know if she would be open for me sitting down with her and telling her my concerns. Some of the issues or changes I noticed with her was a type of anger in her that made no sense, like flying off the handle easily. A few weeks she had the tumble drier on for ages and I gently reminded her of the energy costs rising and she flew off the handle at me about me bossing her around. I wasn't bossing her around by the way. I grew up in poverty so I was always aware of being mindful of the tumble dryer.

For the past few months, I wasn't confident for what my step should be inf exploring the idea of dementia with my mom. I think it's so much more harder because dementia usually presents with forgetfulness or a confusion and currently this aspect is very mild in my mom. Theres just other stuff that's not quite right.

I didn't know if I should be phoning the GP practice and making an appointment in person or emailing them or sending a letter in the post. I am apprehensive about putting this into writing and I think I would prefer to chat to my GP verbally to see if they could put a notice on her chart. We have the same GP.
My mom will never be open for me into going to the doctor with her and into her appointment. So it would have to be a case where I will have to make my concerns known to our GP and they work around it.

She has no idea that I am thinking on the lines of dementia. I doubt she would welcome the conversation from me either.

I feel for you so much. We went through the same with my mum.
There is no comfort with dementia. But all I can say is that dreading that first conversation was worse than having it. Mum knew things weren’t right herself. When we were open about it with her she did go to the doctor. And there was a period after the diagnosis when she was ok, not the same of course, but fairly independent. And we as a family did feel better about having things out in the open.

I see that there's something not quite right so the way I see it, is what's the point of waiting to see if a progression occurs or not.

Also people here suggested that the first port of call is the GP and people here mentioned a memory assessment. What's the point of a memory assessment at this point when forgetfulness and confusion is not a major thing with my mom. Every day is different with my mom and she's fully glues into many, things including day and time. I read online about memory assessment and apparently a clock is part of this. She's aware of time and clocks. She had no issues changing clocks a few weeks ago.

The biggest issues that I see is other stuff. Every day is different. For example of some days she behaves as if I am evil and not worthy of a word or speech. The silence from her can be intense with no words or conversation from her Then other days she's behaving as if I am her best friend.

I asked my mom the other day if granny (her mom) had Alzheimer's and mom said no she never had Alzheimer's. I suppose that was my first approach to it.

I know my mom so much. She won't be open into the suggestion of dementia.

At Christmas time, I found my mom parked outside my brothers bedroom door with her ear up to his door, eavesdropping on him. I caught her several times doing that. There was no need to do that and there was no point to it either. It was disgusting. I think that was another aspect amongst other things that has me joining the dots into the possibility of dementia.

I’m sorry, it’s very hard. My mum’s personality changed a lot in the years before she was diagnosed.

Do you know which GP practice she is with? If you don’t think you can have a conversation with her, could you write a letter or speak to them outlining your concerns. They could ask your mum to come in for a general health check, and the GP could assess her.

With my mum it was only looking back a few years that we recognised behaviours that we could tie into dementia. At the time, like you say, they seemed like isolated incidents.
My mum's mum had had dementia so I think my mum wasn't too shocked when she got it. She absolutely knew things weren't right and sometimes would acknowledge that it was getting worse.
Did either of her parents suffer from it? Definitely start a conversation with her but don't labour it. Often they know something's wrong but they get scared of the holes in their memory and in their reasoning processes. As a result they become angry. It's not about you but all about them and their fear.
Sadly I have found the nhs to be pretty useless really. Very kind and lots of understanding nods, but they haven't given us any practical help.

The GP won't talk to you about her. Only in a hypothetical way but not specific to her.

I would say something like "mum I have noticed you being a bit absent minded, I know in people over 70 this is often caused by a UTI, would you mind if I made you an appt with the doc to get it checked out"

That would get her through the door of the docs and start the conversation.

My mom was diagnosed with cateracts a few years ago. She had one in one eye and it was very mild in the other eye. She has the cateracts procedure done. I think as far as I can remember she might have been diagnosed with a different eye condition as well. I think it may be pressure in the eye.

She was prescribed antibiotics at the time of the cateracts. As far as I can remember it was an antibiotic eye drops and then there was another eye drop toom. I don't know. Maybe a steroid one. I really don't know what her medicines are. She is still taking the eye drops to this day.

She must be doing 6 or 7 or 8 rounds of eye drops every single day.

It just seems very excessive to me. She hides the eye drops so I can't see the instructions. I quized her on them before and she said she has to take them every day but the two of them are spaced apart from each other.

It just seems excessive to me and I don't know of this is another part to the possibility of dementia.

She left the room there a few minutes ago and the eye drops medicine is on the table and I had a look. This was the first time I was able to read the instructions for her prescriptions.
One eye drop says toe use twice a day.
The other eye drop says to use once per day at night time.

Seriously the eye drop thing is very excessive. She's definitely doing the both eye drops every morning. Then there are times she's doing the drops during the day and again at night.

Thankfully she attends the GP regularly for blood pressure and an eye condition and other things.

I don't know would tipping the GP off towards dementia get them on the ball with exploring dementia. It's so back handed though.

I really don't know how she will respond to me raising concerns.

Thank you for the tip and for the suggestion on how to word things with my mom. I will screenshot it. She's definitely absent minded at times. I bought over the counter UTI strips to test at home for that to see if there's anything there.

I'm not sure if this is dementia. It's difficult because everyone seems to have their own personal set if symptoms.
It's called the memory clinic and yes, most people are further down the road and written tests show up problems. Your mum might not have problems with that yet. But they also sometimes do head scans to check for causes and types of memory problems. That might be useful?
Your first stage is to chat with her but I wouldn't mention dementia or Alzheimers. Just mention bits of her change in behaviour. Be interested rather than accusatory and see if she can admit to anything.

Her dad died when he was in his early 70s. He never lived long enough to see if dementia or Alzheimer's appeared.
My granny lived til she was 86 and she never had Alzheimer's. I don't know about dementia. She was in a home in the last few years before her death becyshe got more difficult at home.

Just mention bits of her change in behaviour

She would never welcome this from me. The changes that I've seen in her are like anger and ocd around the home and silent moods with me.

The clock thing in cognitive testing isn't to do with time though- it's a test of drawing the clock and setting the hands to a particular time. It tests whether someone can follow instructions and whether a particular lobe in the brain is working correctly/ spatial awareness etc

www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/clock-drawing-test

Dementia isn't just about memory