Paying for nursing home from house sale

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My dad has Alzeimers. He owns his own house but there is an equity mortage on it. They are owned about £120,000 leaving about £150,000 when it is sold.

My brother and I have struggled on-mostly me- with fecal incontinence and falls being the worst of it. We do have three carers a day going in but it really isn't enough and I am at the end of my tether with cleaning up shit-the worst part for me and it is always there waiting for me to clean it up.

I cannot do it any more. I just cannot. I want him to go into a home and I mean it even though he says he doesn't want to go. My brother doesn't care either way but it is nowhere near as bad for him as it is for me. Anyway my dad has fallen again and the hospital have sodding sent him home.

So a home is the only way. I know it will have to be paid for from the proceeds of what remains after the equity is paid off. But where will that remaining equity go?

Will I have to inform someone that we have it so they know how long we will be able to fund the care home fees for? My brother says we can open an account on both our names, put the money in it and just pay every month until it runs out. Is that the case? I think we will have to give a monthly statement to the home/council.

Does anyone know. I do have LPA for health and money

Worth consulting age uk- I would imagine the sale proceeds would need to be in an account in your df’s name with you managing it with poa.
is a social worker involved? Worth involving adult social services.

Your local Age UK or Independent Age will be able to help, but you absolutely should not take his equity and put it in a bank account in your names - it's his money.

His £150,000 will last for 2-3 years in a care home (depending on his needs and where in the country you live). Does he have a substantial pension to contribute to the costs? If he runs out of money then the council will fund care for him, but it might not be in the home he's living in if you choose a very expensive one so you do need to consider what might happen if he lives that long.

It's worth asking the council for a financial assessment anyway, and getting all the factsheets about funding for care homes so you know about the long term.

For finding a home there are agencies who can help with that (eg carehomeselection.co.uk).

Thank you.

Would we be able to invest it? I think the nursing fees will be about 40,000 to 50,000 a year so we have enough to last three years if we leave it in a normal bank account but if we invest it, it might make a bit more because I don't know how long my dad will live and if it's longer than three years, he would have to move and I don't think that would be good for dad or me.

Thank you both for replying.

No he only has state pension. To be fair, my brother has supported him financially in many ways for a lot of years-things like holidays, help with bills and a car.

Also, you should investigate whether part of his nursing care can be met by the NHS - it's not much, but added to Attendance Allowance, means the costs could come down a bit.

There is also due to be a change in law in Oct 2023, so that there is a cap on the max anyone can spend on nursing/care homes - after that date.

Definitely contact Aged UK - they have a very good advice service for those planning nursing home funding from house sale.
Worth looking into applying for attendance allowance and mobility allowance (or whatever it's called these days. You should have it any way but apply now as these benefits continue even when your Dad is in the home and it certainly helps with the fees.

I'm a signatory to my DM's bank account for paying her bills - as previously mentioned you can't just set up another account in your and your DB names.

Don't feel bad about the decision to go into a home - there is only so much you can do.

Just one word of warning - you say your dad doesn't want to go into a home. The bar for competency is very low - ie if the person can express and opinion, it may well count. Even if they have Alzheimer's and really have no idea how to care for themselves. You may well have to involve adult social services to have an assessment to agree he can no longer continue at home. This can take time. You may have to step back and leave the situation to hit a crisis. I don't say this to be alarmist but this has happened with 3 out of DP's and mine parents and it's tough. Just keep reminding yourself - You've done your best to help them stay in their home for as along as you could, now you need more help to help them stay safe.

Aged UK, Alzheimer's Society - all good sources of advice & support

Contact Carers UK, what an amazing group of volunteers who helped me enormously with managing dad, his income and care and social services.

Thank you all for your advice and @DPotter thank you for your kind words.

Agree with this.

my dad expressed a requirement to stay at home despite being incapable of looking after himself with advanced dementia and failing a capacity assessments. If mum hadnt absolutely refused to be a carer any longer because she had her own heart and physical problems and had been his carer 24/7 for 7 years in her eighties, then they would have sent him home.

so you have to be hard. It’s a shit time, many of us have been there. Sending good luck

You're very welcome

Can’t advise you on the financial position but wanted to say how I feel for you. My dad went into a home. My mum still alive though so selling the house wasn’t an option. Thankfully my dad never expressed an opinion on going into a home as I don’t think he really understood what was happening. For us it all happened rather suddenly as his condition deteriorated rapidly. Caring for someone with dementia is relentless. I hope you can’t get some advice and a home sorted soon.

typo!! I hope you CAN get some advise!

❤Thank you all for advice, understanding and kindness.