My mom is going senile

[SummersBreeze]

I never knew this place existed. My mom is 69 and will be 70 later this year. My mom is definitely going senile. Every day is different. Some days are better than others. Then other days she's like a crazy wild beast. There's episodes that just don't make sense. Looking back over the past two years, she misdirected her anger at situations to me because she didn't want others to know her true feelings. I don't know. There's something happening for sure with my mom and I think it's on the line of dementia. It's hard to write into words her episodes but her episodes consists of hateful bursts and outrages out of nowhere or sometimes just complete senselessness. There's definitely else in that she wants complete control over everything even over minor things. For instance she would rant at me for steaming carrots telling me that the smell doesn't agree with her but when my brother cooks, sometimes with a deep fat fryer, there's no judgement or rants for the smells he create I'm the kitchen. She only has a problem towards a female cooking. I don't know. It's hard to wrote into words what I experienced over the past few years. She's not able to comprehend situations like public health advice. She breaks boundaries eavesdropping when there no need to be nosy. Then there's other moods where she sits in silence without saying a word. It's not right. Every day is different with her.

I suspect there's something like dementia happening or some other brain issue.
I don't know how to get the actions into work at getting her seen to by the doctor. I don't think she would be open to me being open and asking for a dementia assessment.

Does everyone here experience dementia as a typical forgetfulness or does it show up as moodiness and anger?

Whilst Alzheimer’s patients can suffer agitation, irritability, paranoia etc, there are other conditions that mimic dementia such as thyroid disorders, low B12, Vitamin D deficiency. It would be worth speaking to her to see if she would maybe speak to her Dr about a health check. Does she take medication for anything? You could write to the senior partner at the practising your concerns and they might contact her to request she has routine bloods taken. They would need to do blood tests to rule out other causes before they referred to the memory clinic for assessment.

Vitamin B12 is a key component in the formation of red blood cells. Its deficiency could lead to an oxygen-transport problem in the blood known as pernicious anemia. This disorder may cause issues like mood swings, paranoia, irritability, confusion, dementia, and hallucinations (or mania)

@Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes

Whilst Alzheimer’s patients can suffer agitation, irritability, paranoia etc, there are other conditions that mimic dementia such as thyroid disorders, low B12, Vitamin D deficiency. It would be worth speaking to her to see if she would maybe speak to her Dr about a health check. Does she take medication for anything? You could write to the senior partner at the practising your concerns and they might contact her to request she has routine bloods taken. They would need to do blood tests to rule out other causes before they referred to the memory clinic for assessment.

Vitamin B12 is a key component in the formation of red blood cells. Its deficiency could lead to an oxygen-transport problem in the blood known as pernicious anemia. This disorder may cause issues like mood swings, paranoia, irritability, confusion, dementia, and hallucinations (or mania)

My mom attends to the GP regularly for repeat prescription medication for an eye issue. I think it begins with G. She has some other issues too that are being monitored regularly and I think there might even be medicine involved. She had high blood pressure and that's being controlled with one tablet a day I think. High cholesterol was identified from a recent blood test. She is refusing meds and she wants to control that through diet. Her GP is giving her 3 or 6 months. I don't know. But her diet isn't too bad. She has a simple diet - cereal, toast and tea for breakfast. Tuna and boiled egg for lunch as an example. No big dinners. Maybe potatoes and beans and fish fingers as an example. It's all very simple. She doesn't drink coffee. No fast foods. Some processed foods like cheese slices. No microwave quick meals. Limited in sweets and snacks.

Her diet is ok. I think it could be better. There could be more fruit and vegetables in my opinion. She walks every day. She likes walking.

I am concerned about high cholesterol when her diet is not very bad to begin with.

I got her to take vitamin D at the start of the pandemic.

Aside from all of that, she's ok. I do think there is something not quite right.

Does she drink enough water?

it could even be low sodium.
start with the gp. and yes some forms of dementia are very unpleasant angry and some display inappropriate behavior.

@Suzi888

Does she drink enough water?

She does not drink enough water. I try to encourage her to drink water and I lead by example on this. My main drink every day is water.

I wonder would it help if I was to encourage her to drink more water.

I bought a new water bottle over the weekend for myself because of the upcoming summer. I am never allowed to get dehydrated again due to a health issue. It's an insulated bottle and it makes the water absolutely lovely. Even tap water. I am not a fan of tap water but this bottle is great. It's not freezing and it's not very cold and it's lovely.

Would it help if I was to get her, her own water bottle and encourage her to drink more water.

High cholesterol and high blood pressure are risks for dementia (as is diabetes and smoking/ex smoking). She needs a memory assessment by the GP and bloods to exclude other causes. If she won't go willingly, write to the GP and ask them to invite her for a 'well woman' check.' She can be referred to a memory clinic thereafter if doesn't score well, with her permission, although treatment is often limited but a diagnosis may open doors to some help. Ultimately though, you can't force her to do anything.
Denial of any issue will be the biggest problem you face, and often a symptom of dementia.
It may not be a bad idea to sort Power of Attorney anyway, usually a good idea for any ageing parent. This can be done online and may prove invaluable down the line.

@fallfallfall

it could even be low sodium. start with the gp. and yes some forms of dementia are very unpleasant angry and some display inappropriate behavior.

I witnessed eavesdropping and that was completely inappropriate.

There's something not right for sure. Currently there's anger issues on and off that shows up differently a few times a week like it could be an angry rageful outburst out of nowhere that makes no sense whatsoever. It can be from something simple as the postman arriving she targets my back and my ears. Or other times, it's just cold stonewalling. The silence is often incredible.

Then there are times when there's just pure senselessness from her. She's currently washing one pillow in the washing machine at 60degree. Just the one pillow.

Another type of senselessness is spacing out each dish in the dishwasher while ordering me to make sure it's full. So the dishwasher that she loads, it looks full with dishes spaced out but often there's only a few dishes in there. While she judges me and the loads I pack. She wants to maintain as much control.

Looking back over the past 2 to 4 years, there episodes from her and at the time I took them as standalone episodes but looking back I think I can piece them now all together and I think she's going senile.

Like the family was invited to a wedding and she has no knowledge of the internet and she spent months hounding me to find her the perfect outfit. It all had to match with her and it all had to be within her budget. She was spending far too much time planning an outfit and then she didn't want to go to the wedding and when the time came she got me to do her dirty work and cancel for her. It was all a type of crazy from her. It was senseless too.

@cptartapp

High cholesterol and high blood pressure are risks for dementia (as is diabetes and smoking/ex smoking). She needs a memory assessment by the GP and bloods to exclude other causes. If she won't go willingly, write to the GP and ask them to invite her for a 'well woman' check.' She can be referred to a memory clinic thereafter if doesn't score well, with her permission, although treatment is often limited but a diagnosis may open doors to some help. Ultimately though, you can't force her to do anything. Denial of any issue will be the biggest problem you face, and often a symptom of dementia. It may not be a bad idea to sort Power of Attorney anyway, usually a good idea for any ageing parent. This can be done online and may prove invaluable down the line.

I really do think there is something like dementia setting in but it's hard to explain this right now.

I right with dementia long term memory can be good and short term memory can be poor. I think there's something happen but I can't explain it. She was raised in a Catholic dominant country where women had little rights. The way she was raised was men must be served and women had no uses except for in a home and women were bad.

Recently I learned that she placed her next of kin down as one of my siblings but she's living all the way across the world whereas I am here at home. I do help her and I am mindful of my own attitude and judgement towards her and I am often soft with her and I am not critical. If anything was to happen to her though, my brother who lives across the world will be contacted as her next of kin and then I will find out that way. Say for example of she needed medical treatment and her next of next needs to be contacted. I will find out about complications from across the world whereas I am here at home.

Whatever is happening with her, it's not showing up as a typical memory loss though. There's some slight memory things but it's very mild like she left her public services card at the post office one day. Then another time she lost the remote control and it was in the bathroom.

There are few times when she is confusing names of all my brothers too but it's mildish and not often.

I can be worse on the memory stuff due to a highly stressful working conditions. I often have the memory of a fish from stress.

I can try to be open with her and tell her I think maybe dementia might be setting in, I don't think she will take too kindly to that.

If I was to contact the GP, she might be more open from a GP.

Another example of the senselessness:
She tries to make up life hacks things and she bangs nails into walls without a care in the world without realizing about the potential for hammering into wires electric.
In recent times she made a new first aid box by filling up a box with supplies and putting that box into another closed box or wooden wine gift box. Then storing stuff on top of them.

I needed something from the first aid box. A covid test or something and I thought, you wouldn't want to be bleeding here because it will take you a while to get a plaster. I had to empty the storage of the box to open it up to take out the other box to get what I needed. It was senseless.

@SummersBreeze, you also sound a touch judgmental. how she loads the dishwasher will make perfect sense to her, and maybe the old machine is not great at washing up. i do my pillows at 60 and one at a time no clue what makes you think that is odd.
steamed carrots do smell differently than roasted it's not a male female thing.
and naming nok to the oldest (male oftentimes) might seem impractical but at the same time customary in many cultures.

Hi Op how are you getting on?

Thank you for the reply.

I'm still in much and the same type of position as I was when I wrote this.

I had suspicions for months when I wrote this and it was based on little stuff here and there. Just stuff that was off.

My suspicions have deepened since I wrote this back in April. On two different occasions, I found some of my bras amongst her laundry. She never washes my laundry. One of these was categoried by me into one of my good bras so not an every day wear. It would be well over a year before I wore it. The fact is she had it and washed it amongst her laundry as if it was hers. She must have had it for a while.

There has been other behaviour too. We were due to have family/visitors from abroad but the idea of visitors caused her great stress and panic and anxiety and I saw behaviour. She was so angry and rageful to me because I wasn't able to fix this situation where she didn't want them. Not only that she started telling me stories or tales that had no bearing in what we were going through at the time. Out of nowhere she would just blurt out a tale of how she met person X a few weeks ago.

There something not right.

She's also neglecting her health.
Her GP recognised high cholesterol from a blood test from a few months ago and she refused to do anything about that.
Not only that she was experiencing headaches that will not go to the doctor about. She has a sore back too that she will not do anything about. She likes to tell me that nurofen and medicine that the doctor prescribes is bad for you.. She was never that type of person to be all hollistic on health. She's someone who would over exaggerate a cold to the doctor and she feels better with a prescription for antibiotics. Every time she has a cold. More recently she is neglecting the booster that she's been eligible for for a few weeks.

I have no idea how to get her to the GP. To date I was encouraging her to go and get her back checked out and get the headaches checked out but she has refused to go.

Over the weekend I am going to write an email for the GP practice. I will explain to them that I don't have my mothers permission to write this email.

The thing is she is still reasonably independent and she's very sharp in a lot of ways. She notices things where other people won't. Her memory does seem to still be good, both short term and long term memory.

There's episodes of
Anger
Paranoia
Poor planning and organising
Social anxiety