How quickly does dementia come on?

[Sportslady44]

Him

Have an elderly friend who lost her husband last Summer it affected her badly. She went downhill couldnt eat, and mobility got poor etc. She couldnt remember things and kept saying her heads not clear etc.

She is currently in a care home,s she went in for respite as she couldnt manage the stairs etc at home, and there was nobody to be with her all the time. She hoping to come out but its hard for me to find anything out as said she is muddled. She is taking tablets i know that.

It sounds like dementia but would a death cause that from last Summer. This has all come on since her husband died. I managed to see her once before Christmas and she was frail needed a walker etc and I was shocked at her decline etc.
Staff wont tell you anything at home cos your not next of kin and i dont want to say to her have you got dementia etc she wouldnt know anyway i guess.

She says she will be in touch when her head clears etc, she often says she feels rubbish. we text sometimes. I sent her a Christmas card but she couldnt remember if she had got it. Her memory is poor.

My question is could this be dementia or has she just been knocked for 6 by the death and if so will she return to normal. Worried about her and miss her. Been about 5-6 months since her hubbys death.
Thanks.

She could have dementia - often the person has been declining for a long time, but then their spouse dies and the dementia becomes more severe. Does she have a next of kin, could you ask them for more Information ?

In my mother's case, nobody knew she had it while dad was alive, because he'd been " propping her up", so to speak. Once he was gone, it became very obvious, very quickly, that she had dementia. Your friend may be the same. Good luck.

I think her physical health was declining like falls but up to the point he died we were meeting up etc and she was driving etc.Seemed to be all ok mentally.

Then it just all went downhill, lost appetite, lost memory etc, never drove again after he died either.

I guess i will have to try and ask the family not always easy though.

Just wondered if dementia can come on after a death. This defintely was the turning point.

Thanks.

The same thing has happened to my DF's DM. At first they thought it was grief but it became obvious fairly quickly that she needed assessing for Dementia. She was a Carer for her DH and I think that she had been declining for a while but everyone was focused on her DH and his needs so it was easy to overlook her forgetful moments.

Often a couple have developed coping strategies and when one isn't around the dementia is exposed. Stress also causes deterioration. Mum falls to pieces when dad is in hospital and never gets quite back to where she was when he comes out.

When my friend's dad dropped dead, the siblings were horrified at the complete inability of their DM to cope with everyday life. It became apparent very quickly their DF had been covering for her for a long time and she subsequently went into care where she lived for another 15 years.

Yes, my DM had been covering for DF and he quickly deteriorated when she died :(

The was a woman local to me who had a complete mental breakdown after her dh died.

She was sectioned and lives in a nursing home now.

Physically she's fine

My DM developed some form of vascular dementia and it took her from OK to some sort of catatonia in 3 years. It was ridiculously rapid, heartbreaking and cruel.

So sorry @DGRossetti. It is incredibly cruel isn't it

Yes it can do. They’ve frequently been masking the symptoms for some time.

That's exactly what we found with our DMIL @GoodnightGrandma. It then got to a point where she couldn't cover anymore.

@Opal8

The was a woman local to me who had a complete mental breakdown after her dh died.

She was sectioned and lives in a nursing home now.

Physically she's fine

really sad isnt it, my friend declined physically too but i think that was from not eating. You dont eat, you will lose the weight.

Also physical illness can accelerate mental decline my Gran was hospitalised with a UTI and went down hill massively

Yes it can my grandmother was the same.
There were signs, of slow decline that we missed but all of a sudden she went from totally independent to full on dementia care home within a year to 18 months.

For her we wondered if something like a mini stroke set it off. She stopped eating as well which seemed to accelerate the decline.

I’m so sorry though, dementia is an utter cunt.

My mum is recently diagnosed with dementia and there has been a noted rapid decline over the last 8-10 weeks. Its heartbreaking and I've found mum is more lucid when she first wakes up but as soon as she starts to get a bit tired, she becomes increasingly confused.
We've got social care assessments happening tomorrow, as dad is really struggling to cope on his own with her care.

im now confused because i read that grief can bring this on too.

Your mind is trying to process the grief so you go confused and forgetful.

Trying to get hold of next of kin.

A friend's mum was the very capable caree for her husband with Parkinson's.

At his funeral, she said a couple of weird things several of us noticed, then within a month the phonecalls started coming in from concerned friends, neighbours and the vicar about her turning up for events on the wrong day of time, dressing inappropriately for the westher etc.

To cut a long story short, she was diagnosed with dementia and within a year went to not speaking, needing a hoist to lift her out of bed, 24hr care. She doed 18 months after her husband.

The doctor suggested thst she hsd hsd dementia for a while but the pattern of caring for her husband was so routine led - same activities every day, same food, same very limited conversations, that it wss completely masked even to her own children. Once he died, she was lost.

So sad.