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Dementia and Alzheimer's

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Should we tell the children?

3 replies

Jj2431 · 31/12/2021 15:42

My children's great grandmother has suffered from dementia for many years but has mainly been ok albeit quite when we visited her at home (her daughter was her carer), there was the odd occasion of snapping but nothing too major. Recently she went to hospital for an infection and this time her dementia progressed. She came home and refused to move from a chair, my mother in law couldn't move her to wash her or anything. Eventually she was put into care temporarily. Since being there it has become clear she is getting worse. She is extremely snappy and swearing a lot. The care staff have to have 3 of them just to bathe her. She refused to move from a chair there and is now refusing/can't get out of bed. She is aggressive even to her daughter who has cared for her for 15 years. She is only eating desserts now and there is a major fear that she may be struggling to eat as well as with mobility. It sounds as though we may be at the end stages of dementia now and the mental health team have written to her gp to advise she stays in care permanently. Me and my husband think it's in our children's best interests if they don't visit her anymore due to the aggression and it upsetting them and her and because she seems much more frail. Our children are 13, 9 and 17 months. Are we making the right decision and do we tell them and how? :( it's so sad. My husband is in pieces already

OP posts:
BeLessMe · 31/12/2021 16:36

It is the right decision.

As an early 40 year old I made the decision to not visit my DGM in her nursing home any more when her dementia progressed, as did my cousins, because it was just too distressing. She was no longer our DGM, she didn’t know us -she didn’t know her own children! She lasted a few more years before she died. My second DGM also developed dementia and declined even more quickly but Covid and lockdown made the decision for us about visiting. Thankfully she died quite soon after she declined.

I decided to spare DC seeing either DGM when they first started to be confused about who I was. It seemed kinder to let DC remember them as they were.

My DF is now getting quite bad and it won’t be long before he needs to be looked after more. Dementia is very cruel Sad

SleepingStandingUp · 31/12/2021 16:38

I think for the older ones I'd be honest - she's very poorly and she isn't well enough for visitors x

PanicBuyingSprouts · 31/12/2021 21:00

I also think it's the right decision. It would be very upsetting for them and I can't see why it would benefit her either.

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