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Dementia & Alzheimer's
Elderly grandmother
LiveFromNewYork · 26/12/2021 13:42
My grandmother will be 103 in February. She currently lives at home, rattling around in a too big house where you think she could have an accident any minute. She uses a tea trolley to move around as she is very unstable on her feet. She may have the early stages of dementia, although at her age you kind of think memory loss isn’t a great surprise.
The memory loss and general situation is placing a lot of burden on my parents, themselves in their mid seventies. They have to go round most days, take food or organise food deliveries. My grandmother is always on the phone worrying about something or other. She’s just very vulnerable and ripe for being defrauded, though my parents do have access to her bank account to monitor this.
She refuses to move into a home and is also reluctant to have a live in carer. Because she forgets dangerous incidents and the fact she is creating a lot of stress for my parents in their retirement, she claims all is fine and she can manage with a carer visiting once a day.
I was just wondering whether in such a situation, and despite the fact she can afford private care, you could get a social worker involved? Does anyone have any experience of such a situation? When does it pass the point of it being something unqualified family members just need to cope with?
RedPandaWanda · 26/12/2021 13:54
This was the situation for lady I used to walk her dog for.
She is 92 and very similar to your grandmother. It took us ages of persuading but eventually we managed to get social services in to do a needs assessment and from that she had carers in 3 times a day.
There is usually someone attached to doctors surgeries who can deal with all social service needs so it may be worth talking to the gp.
PanicBuyingSprouts · 28/12/2021 10:13
Yes absolutely do. She needs a Care Needs Assessment abs I'd strongly recommend that your parents are present at the assessment as your DGM is likely to tell them that she is fine just as she is.
Your DPs can also have a Carers Assessment but they do need to be honest in the assessment about how much of a burden it is.
Has your DGM given your DPs POA for health and finance? If not, I'd see if you can get her to agree.
LiveFromNewYork · 31/12/2021 12:36
Thanks @RedPandaWanda and @PanicBuyingSprouts.
I will mention the needs assessment to my parents. They do have POA for both health and finance so she does understand on one level she isn’t ok living independently.
LiveFromNewYork · 08/01/2022 19:16
@BunnyRuddington Thanks for asking! It's not ideal in that as soon as she was left alone after Christmas she said she had heart pains and ended up going to A&E in an ambulance, for no reason as it was essentially attention seeking (but the crews aren't going to take a chance with someone that age). A whole day of worry nonetheless, particularly with the Covid risk. We wondered given this was her third unnecessary trip in about 5 weeks whether it would trigger something.
On the plus side she has agreed to try a live in carer but she's already sacked one :( My parents aren't keen to push it too far at the moment and hope that a new carer will settle in better and at least give us all peace of mind.
Startagaintoday · 08/01/2022 19:26
So difficult. We keep people alive no matter what. I am 51 and have been caring for parents for 20 years. They don't realise but in preserving their lives they steal yours. No idea what answer is but hugs and solidarity
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