Feacal incontinence and Dementia

[CanIbeRio]

Sorry for the subject matter
I'm looking for some advice which might help my poor mum.
She is looking after my dad who has mild dementia. Over the last 18 months dad has been having little accidents, usually after eating, ....nothing more than a smear....but enough to cause a smell which mum is obviously finding offensive.
She will have to tell him to go sort himself out but is met with hostility and denial....he will eventually shuffle off to the bathroom in a huff. It's upsetting for her as she feels awful having to mention it to him but has to or he'd sit there stinky and not do anything about it.
Doc has prescribed a high fibre sachet drink which isn't really helping. Has anyone experienced this....any tablets/medication helped? Or change of diet maybe?
He also won't wear pads as he says they're too bulky and hot. We've bough some padded pants but he doesn't like them either....can anyone recommend effective but comfy pads/pants?
Poor mum is really down about this

I've not got any experience of this I'm sorry but I was wondering if the GP knows of an incontinence team that could get involved?

Your DM might be able to get some ideas from an Admiral Nurse, or at least some support for how she's feeling

@SleafordSods....thank you so much for that link. That will be very useful...we aren't aware of that support

thank you so much for that link. That will be very useful...we aren't aware of that support

That's ok, sadly we had to find all of this out the hard way so if I can help someone our who's trying to care fir their relative in a small way I do.

Just wondering if your DM is in touch with her local Carer's Association? They can often be a good source of information and support.

Has your DF had a Care Needs Assessment abs your DM a Carers' Assessment? Sounds like it might be time for your DM to say that she's struggling. His SW could arrange a Day Centre or some respite care for your DF to give her a break.

Would something like this suit him.they are pads but pull up ones so your dad may think they are uderwear

@SleafordSods. Thanks for the other suggestions. Unfortunately I can't get mum to engage with any help or respite....she won't leave him as she says she'd feel guilty getting out without him and he's not really at the stage of full.kn health as apart from this issue and being absent minded his illness isn't that severe at the moment. Mum has COPD so has been largely shielding since the start of the pandemic so being stuck at home with dad 24/7 is taking its toll
@Littlemisspebbles thanks for that...Will have a look

**full on help not health

Your dad should be getting an attendance allowance and that could be used to have a carer to come in once a day to help with personal care and help your mum?
Medications wise he could try loperamide

Your Dad should have a continence nurse; if he doesn't have one, his GP surgery should be able to refer him to get assessed. You may also be able to get help from dementia organisations, such as this one:

www.dementiauk.org

They have a helpline run by specialists and provide advice for carers, which your Mum might find useful.

Thank you all for the helpful suggestions and links.
Will look into them and try and get mum on board with more help and support for her as This issue is really dragging her down

Sounds like your DM has her own issues abs this could also be impacting on her MH.

It sounds as though your DM is going to take some persuading to get some additional help in place but sadly, it's an inevitability that your DF is going to need more care in the future and your DM would cope better and for longer if she starts to accept help now. Right now, she's not doing herself any favours abs it might start to impact on her own health. She really could do with a Carers Assessment and being honest with the SW about how caring 24/7 when she has COPD is impacting on her mental and physical health.

Dancing is correct in saying that your DF should be getting Attendance Allowance. If he's not, I'd apply for it now. He may also be eligible for Pension Credit and a reduction on his Council Tax.

Also agree with getting the GP to refer him to the Continence Nurse/Team who should be able to give your DM some support at least

I know that incontinence can be a symptom of dementia but you mentioned the high-fibre drink. Do you think he's taking the correct dose? My DM has dementia and also takes fibrogel which made her have lots of accidents when the dose was too high. She's now on one sachet a day and seems fine. She had been given the high dose for severe constipation but her GP never lowered it once things were back to normal.

Sorry that doesn't really answer your question about pads but I thought it might be relevant.

Are you confident that your dad isn't multidosing the fibrogel. My frail and a bit confused dad was on Oramorph but overdosed one weekend because mum (alzheimer's) kept forgetting he had already had it and giving it to him again. Luckily it was picked up but my DB has had to take over controlling meds.

Sympathies. My dad is a long way down the dementia road now, and looking back incontinence x 2 was an early sign we missed. I'd go baby steps and get him to try the pads that fit inside pants (they look like bulky sanitary towels.