Dementia or not?

[BowlofNothing]

I'm hoping that someone can help with this as I'm so worried and confused. Sorry for the long post.

My Dad is currently in a care home, previously he was in hospital and had been, on and off since the beginning of the year.

No real diagnosis but all hospital discharge papers state "underlying dementia"

He shows all the signs of dementia and has for a long time. The carers at the home all state that he has dementia, they are surprised that he has no diagnosis. Social worker has visited to assess him and deemed him well enough to return home next week.

Recently he rang my Sister and said that he had been visited by the Police because there had been "an attempt on his life" she questioned him but could get no further information from him. Speaking to his Partner she said that he was confused as they had been to see him about something else and had not explained it properly to him. There is a BIG backstory with the Partner and a massive disagreement over his care resulting in awful accusations about me and my other Sister, which are simply untrue and very hurtful!

My Sister went to see him yesterday to try and find out what was going on as we had been told by his partner that he did not want myself and one of my sisters to have any involvement with his care or his finances as he feels we are stealing money from him. As we are very concerned about these accusations and want to protect ourselves she asked Dad if she could record the conversation and he agreed. The whole conversation was about an hour long and she asked him about this Police visit and he confirmed that they had been to see him because and accusation had been made to them about his Daughters wanting to kill him!

I'm so upset as this is just not true at all but I'm wondering if the accusation was made by his Partner? He was so convincing and he truly believes this happened! The Social worker that saw him last week believes he does not have dementia and is fit to go home, she will not discuss anything with us.

I've not heard anything from the Police, no visits, phone calls, nothing! But I feel if I am being accused of something I should be able to respond? I've not slept since I heard this and I just don't know what to do?

That all sounds really tough. You could call the police and ask if they want to speak to you. At least that way you can stop worrying about that side of it. Other than that I don't think there is a lot you can do.

That's what I'm thinking of doing, I'm just so anxious that they are going to just turn up at my home. I can't rest so I need to do something proactive.

Can anyone else advise?

Contact GP, get a diagnosis. Mention lack of capacity and vulnerable adult a lot. Clearly the hospital all think he has a diagnosis from somewhere. However it may be that the partner has to do this if she is closest to him.

Some forms of dementia result in storytelling and paranoia (If you can't remember what has happened then the world seems v confusing and you make the facts fit - conspiracy theories and accusations against relatives can be inevitable) and sufferers can be very convincing.

My experience is that some social workers tend to take what people say at face value as making a diagnosis isn't part of their job, while in older people's mental health checking out the story with others would be normal - at which point the whole 'police''attempt on his life' would have been seen as nonsense.

That's very upsetting. I would firstly call the carehome, ask to speak to the nurse a d tell them this has happened. You can also contact his g.p with your concerns about his mental state and the accusations. Unless you have pow and he has lost capacity the g.p might not tell you much but they can listen to your concern. I would ask the nurse if he has had a mental capacity assessment . Does his partner have power of attorney. It is not up to the social worker to decide what his diagnosis is or if he is fit to go home, why was he placed in the carehome. If you feel his partner might be abusing him financially or emotionally then you can raise this with the home and your local adult safeguarding team.
I would also call the police just to put your mind at rest, if there was no visit at all about anything then his partner is lying, the home would also have a record of any police visit.
For the time being I would not discuss this with him, it will confuse and distress him and definitely not discuss it with his partner.