What care does someone who is fairly mobile and healthy apart from significant altzeimers/and need?

[KatyMac]

I dont know where to start

And are there problems with moving into a different county?

Social services have agreed to keep me in the loop and consider a capability assessment if he is less cooperative

Definitely speak to the Dementia Hub if you are lucky enough to have one. Also Alzheimers society. If you are going to be his main carer and he's happy to move then move him as close to you as you can, it will make your life a whole lot easier.

If he is self funding it is actually a lot easier as you have a lot more choice. Start researching local care homes - ask around on Facebook, speak to the Dementia Hub, physically visit the ones closest to you at mealtimes and taste the food. It may be worth focussing on homes that offer nursing as well as residential care (he is likely to need a nursing home in the later stages and it would mean he doesn't have to move again).

Alternatively if he's not ready for that ask locally if there are any Extra Care accommodation places - independent flats but with carers on scene, meals offered etc. Those might suit him for a while.

Whatever happens the best bit of advice on Mumsnet is do not take on more than you can manage. There are services available to help, and that's what his savings or the money in his home are there for - to look after him in his old age. You are there to facilitate and help but its not your job to do everything for him.

We've just finished some research and I asked carers what they'd say to someone new to caring for someone with dementia. They ALL said find a group to join as you learn most from the groups. And one said "hang on to your hat, it's going to be a rough ride"

my mum has very similar to what Cooper 88 has described above and lives alone. At the moment she is not wondering as can only walk slowly with aid of zimmer and is frightened she will fall. I know carers coming in three times a day would not work if she were more mobile. She has pads on in case if accidents although is not incontinent but slow getting to the toilet. She has a diagnosis of alzheimer's. Whilst this works for now I'm not sure it will work forever

I cannot care for him

He is very mobile was off to Liverpool recently well he would have been if someone hadn't broken in and stolen his tickets....it was odd that they only took the tickets

They came back last week and took his phone, but then they broke in again and put his phone back

The very fact this place talks about the historic building and gardens before they mention the needs of the residents and their memory problems would ring alarm bells with me...

It could just be that their marketing team don't get it, but for me, to start with buildings rather than people says it all.

My mother is similar, and is in a care home, but it's not a specialist dementia unit and she will have to move soon as her behaviour is becoming difficult to manage. You need a locked specialist memory/dementia home.

Many housing associations have specialist units (for both self and LA funded patients) and I've got my mum on a waiting list for three. I've known people who are self funding (as my mum is) find it more difficult to find affordable, good care than those where social services are paying- I think it's because social workers can get the beds in the HA units as a priority (this is just my theory, I've no proper evidence other than anecdotal) whilst self funders are left to trawl around knowing little about what really is good care. I've insisted that my mum has an LA social worker because I know at some point her current home will say they've gone as far as they can with her and I don't want to be alone with the task of trying to find somewhere when she is in most need.

Is this one better

I guess I'm trying to find something I can compare others too

Firstly, you need a capacity assessment to invoke the POA. This will not be active until it is deemed he has lost capacity to manage his own affairs. Once this is active you will be able to speak with the local authority and GP on his behalf. Don’t get bogged down in finding specific places just yet, as depending on funding there may be a limited number of places used by your local authority due to costs involved. They will be able to advise you accordingly. It may be worth asking for a meeting to support you to determine the best course of action. Ideally you need a chat with his local Admiral Dementia Nurse but he will need a formal diagnosis of this from the GP which should be done prior to or at the same time as the capacity assessment to establish that his capacity is unlikely to return.
If you are confident he will be self funding due to assets then it may be worth getting a feel for some places local to you. I’m happy to give you some pointers on what to look for if this is the case.

Didn't want to read and run.

My Darling Dad has early onset (diagnosed early 60's) our biggest issue, and ultimately why he had to go into full time residential care was that he was fit and healthy apart from the dementia. He would go wandering all times of day and night. Would go to the pub, very local, and then leave and be found several miles in the wrong direction to home, with one shoe etc.

He would forget to eat, wash, brush teeth.

It was a very desperate decision and as far as he was concerned he was 'absolutely fine'.

Big hand hold. Feel free to DM me xxx

@KatyMac

I cannot care for him

He is very mobile was off to Liverpool recently well he would have been if someone hadn't broken in and stolen his tickets....it was odd that they only took the tickets

They came back last week and took his phone, but then they broke in again and put his phone back

This is all very familiar.

Yes capacity assessment requested they will arrange appt with me and then with him so we can all be there

I assume he will be self funding as he owns his own flat in London - will there be issues with moving him to East Anglia - I feel he should be a bit closer and he has previously said if his girlfriend didn't live in London he would live over this way

Starting to get a handle on the process - gosh it's expensive!

Sorry, it looks as though I’ve missed a couple of your posts. When self funding it is helpful to have an idea quite how much financial backup you have. If only just over threshold keep in mind that the money will quickly deplete leaving him in a position where he will require LA funding. If this is the case you would be wise to find a home that the local authority will also fund to prevent him having to move later on.
If finances allow you can find some really lovely places. That one that you’ve recently posted looks lovely. It has both residential and nursing which means that if his condition deteriorates and he needs more nursing care than supportive care then he will not have to move. The websites for these places are often done well but the main advice I can give is to visit and get a feel for it. Look at the CQC scores but keep in mind that these are a snapshot of the time that they were assessed. They do look back at record keeping etc but they would also take into account the feel of the place during the inspection. I have worked in places where it’s been lovely 99% of the time and on CQC day the boiler breaks, the chef is off sick and someone falls on inspection day and it does impact the scores as the inspector walks in! Conversely, there are places locally that have had great scores as on paper they look good that I don’t rate the care itself.

Also, it is important to find a place that is a match for his personality. For example, one wonderful local home that we have here is in a large stately home type property, has a lovely downstairs, a couple of lounge areas with French doors that open out to the gardens and an extensive activity program with exercise classes, crafting, etc. My favourite home by far. Most patients thrive here. However, the bedrooms themselves are small, and the en suites also not great as the have been shoehorned into the bedrooms that were never designed to take them. So if it were for someone who doesn’t like to socialise and keeps themselves to themselves then I wouldn’t choose this home and would go for one with less emphasis on socialising and more quality of bedrooms, or a self contained living area with the bedroom.
Have a look at menu choices. “A varied and extensive menu” often translates to lots of world foods that some people won’t like if they are used to traditional British meals.
Also, look at how they are managing visitors now. Have they got separate areas to facilitate visitors to protect both the visitor and the other residents. The home I know of has a lovely outdoor chalet type thing with heaters, that is ventilated well and keeps footfall through the house to a minimum.
Sorry if I’m overwhelming you, just trying to give some idea of what to consider

It would be worth discussing the financial situation with the flat with the home you like and see if there is a compromise to be made on payments to allow you to sell the flat.

He may have another property too plus a private pension

I imagine the flat will sell fairly quickly

He plays chess and piano (fortunately electric with headphones) and would probably prefer a plainer diet

This is all good and I can read back on it when I need too

I ran a nursery so I treat reports carefully! They are flawed imo

Tomorrow I speak to the medication team to sort out the daily medication pack thingies!

Step forward!

They’ll hopefully be able to explain or demonstrate but not only are there blister packs and you can set an alarm to prompt, but you can get dispensers that open at certain times only, although these rely on being replenished by carers etc.
I hope they are making progress arranging the capacity assessment for you.

I think is has a dementia/alzeimers clock which he says he pays attention to..

So it isn't one size fits all - that's useful to know, thanks

I have a relative in this home here and it's awesome, but so are the bills - £1400 a WEEK last time I looked. So do think carefully about LA funding once the money runs out as a pp said.

It's scary isn't it? And he isn't even 81 yet both his parents lived to their early 90s!

From tomorrow I have someone coming in twice a day morning and evening to check up on him plus a dosibox (? I think) for his message

A request to increase his memory medicine (I have to speak to his gp)

And I have to pay for the carer ( he gave me a chq)

Re-reading this as he has got worse

3 residental/nursing homes have said they aren't suitable for him

What on earth should I do?

What do social services say ?

You will need an EMI unit in a care/nursing home.

Look for a dementia care home. The best might not be local to him, but they do exist. My father went to a dementia care facility when he was bed bound. We had to explore quiet a few options before we found the best and one which could support his needs.

It might be worth contacting the Alzheimer’s society to see if they can guide you. Failing that adult social care.

The social worker gave us a list of suitable homes and we picked from what was available.