Where to get help?

[teaforoneandacoffee]

Where can you get help and support for someone with vascular dementia when their spouse is reluctant to accept any?

The health of my dad is deteriorating rapidly. He's had a number of hospital stays due to infection/ water retention. He has a carer that comes daily but by the time she comes, my mum has done everything.

My dad can be up 50 times a night (mum thinks this is down to a phase of his. He has phases where he seems to obsess over certain things), to go to the loo and my mum is refusing to ask for help.
She won't speak to the gp as she feels they do nothing. She won't allow anyone to help at home (family). But it's getting too much for her, she's exhausted. And she won't discuss him going into a care home. They're both in their late 70's. What can I do?

Age concern or the alzheimer's society can be good for this type of thing. They can discuss what type of help is available. It's hard isn't it.

Admiral Nurses runs a dementia helpline. You could call and ask for advice? They will know what is available and who to ask.

www.dementiauk.org/get-support/dementia-helpline-alzheimers-helpline/

It's difficult isn't it. If she doesn't want him to go go into a Nursing Home, the way to keep him at home really is to accept help.

There are lots of things that can help, things like Occupational Health can help and arranging a milkman, cleaner and gardener.

Is you DM in touch with the local carers group? Sometimes just talking to others in the same situation can help them to accept help.

Ultimately though, it's her choice and if she can't or won't see that the situation is untenable, apart from arranging some practical help, unfortunately there is very little you can do.

If he is up in the night, filling in a Herbert Protocol should be useful, just in case he ever wonders.

Thank you for the information, he's been admitted into hospital this evening.
I'll look at what you recommended, thank you

Sorry to hear he's in Hospital @teaforoneandacoffee

How's your DM coping?

He's still in hospital. They're sending him home with a palliative care package.

Apparently the Macmillan nurses are seeing him but there's been no word of cancer (unless mum isn't telling us). He just seems to be deteriorating faster than expected

So sorry to hear that teaforone, it must be heart breaking.

It could be that your DM doesn't know what the diagnosis is. People don't seem to always ask. I know the Doctors never volunteered one with my DF and I had to speak to the GP myself and sort out Hospice at Home to come to him.

Do you know what the package he's being discharged with entails? Ideally you want someone to sit with him at night so that your poor DM can get some sleep.

How are things now @teaforoneandacoffee? Is your DF still in Hospital or is he home now?

Thanks @DominicRaabsTravelAgent . We were told he has a few weeks left last week.
He came out of hospital on Wednesday after they sent a bed home for him. He had deteriorated very quickly tues night in hospital. He passed after around 4 hours of being home on Wednesday. He's at peace now at least