Supporting partner with mother's dimentia

[MikeAych]

Hello all,

My partner's mum has dimentia and I'm looking for advice on how to support her.

She doesn't like to talk about it as it upsets her but I'd still like to do what I can to help her. Does anyone have any advice for me?

I think the best advice I can give is to take her out when you can, even if it's just for a cuppa or a walk in the park and talk to her. There's a theory that being by water helps improve mental health and reduce stress, so if you've got a river nearby or a park with a stream or lake she might benefit from walking there.

Have you asked her what in particular she's finding difficult to deal with? If it's good shopping for instance you could do it or the garden?

We use an app called the Organised Mum Method for cleaning so my DH can see in the app what needs doing without having to ask.

We also have a shared shopping list on our phones so that if either of us is going to the supermarket, we don't have to call the other one, we just know what we need to get.

Good luck OP. It's never easy when someone in the family has a condition like this

Does your partner have power of attorney for mum?

Read the book Contented Dementia, it's brilliant.

I work in dementia services as an activity coordinator and am assuming she is very early stages?
Label all her cupboards , get a white board stick it on the wall in the kitchen and list things she needs to remember to do daily.
Try to keep her engaged with life, continue to do the things she used to do with support as required. Lots of brain gym / quiz's, keep moving as much as possible.
Lots of websites out there where you can purchase specifically designed aids for day to day life and hobbies.

Thanks for the messages everyone. Mother in law has suffered with dementia for years now and is very progressed. Bed bound now and rarely recognises my partner. I'll try some of your suggestions :)

Thanks for the messages everyone. Mother in law has suffered with dementia for years now and is very progressed. Bed bound now and rarely recognises my partner. I'll try some of your suggestions.

It’s so upsetting when they start to forget who you are. Your DO will no doubt be grieving the Mother she’s already lost.

Who does the all of the care for your DMIL currently?

*DP

It's predominantly her sister. We live away from the family home and rarely visit due to covid. I think this makes it harder as she might also feel guilty she can't do more? She's opened up more now we're visiting. I'm just making sure she knows I'm here and will do anything she asks for but I'm not going to push her to talk about it. I usually ask how DMIL is doing but no more. Can I/should I ask more? Or should I just wait for her to open up more?

It's predominantly her sister. We live away from the family home and rarely visit due to covid. I think this makes it harder as she might also feel guilty she can't do more? She's opened up more now we're visiting. I'm just making sure she knows I'm here and will do anything she asks for but I'm not going to push her to talk about it. I usually ask how DMIL is doing but no more. Can I/should I ask more? Or should I just wait for her to open up more?

DH's DM has Vascular Dementia. If I feel the time is right I sometimes ask him how he's feeling about it all. Having a parent with Dementia can be like grieving as she's lost the DM she knew.