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Dementia and Alzheimer's

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My nan wants to die

4 replies

namehasbeenchanged1 · 23/07/2021 13:02

My nan has not had any sort of mental health diagnosis. She has deep depression (and has talked about wanting to commit suicide to various family members), combined with memory loss and probable dementia-type symptoms. She's also likely got cancer after some recent test results.

It has been absolutely impossible to get her GPs to take any notice of any of this during COVID. She has been living by herself for over a decade since her husband died and has been increasingly down and lonely, deeply exacerbated by COVID and visiting restrictions.

In the past month, my nan has sharply deteriorated. Neighbours have noticed that she is going outside when no one is there and shouting to go away. She is trying to go to church on the wrong day and finding it locked, whilst leaving her house keys in the house and back door unlocked. She is eating very little, listening to music where previously she's wanted to chat to visitors, and having toilet accidents. However, she is still communicative, despite her memory loss of things like days and events, and able to make her own meals - just isn't choosing to do so. We are possibly unfortunately already past the power of attorney stage. I am one stage removed from this, being a granddaughter, so I don't have much control or oversight of the legal process.

Our family are very worried about her. The GP may as well not exist, they are that inept and have done nothing. She is having a memory assessment but not for a couple of weeks, everything is taking a very long time to start to be assessed. My mum is crumbling emotionally and not good at dealing with this situation so I am mainly trying to support her. I can't see us immediately getting carers and other things in place because of how difficult it is to contact services and their backlogs, and we don't have loads of money to go private, but personally I think nan probably wants to go via her own means before all of that happens.

Put simply: what do we do? Thank you so much for reading.

OP posts:
meringue33 · 23/07/2021 13:21

Have you phoned your local authority adult social care department? She is entitled to a care assessment.

BunnyRuddington · 24/07/2021 19:32

If she's recently deteriorated and is going out side to shout at people who aren't there, it sounds as though she has developed delirium.

She will need medical attention to rule out things like a recent stroke or an infection as both of these could have caused her recent deterioration.

I would phone 111.

I did this last year when my DMIL had developed Delirium and although it was a difficult decision at the time, it had gone past the place where we could keep her safe at home whilst she was having these hallucinations.

If 111 suggest you take her to A&E, your DM should be able to stay with her while she's there.

They'll probably ask your DM what's been going on and ask your DGM some questions to see if she's aware of what's going on.

They may also run some blood tests and do some scans. There's a chance that your DGM might be admitted as well, particularly if they think that an acute infection is causing the delirium.

For my DMIL it was the best thing we could have done.

Good Luck OP Thanks

BunnyRuddington · 25/07/2021 09:02

How are things this morning @namehasbeenchanged1? How's your DGM, your DM and how are you doing? Thanks

sprinkleyumnut · 07/08/2021 20:17

Unfortunately with dementia this is often said. I can't say for certain it's the dementia or what but just keep an eye.

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