DF has Parkinson's and now Lewy Body Dememntia as well as vascular dementia (and they say he's had mini-strokes in the past).
In March he deteriorated from walking with a zimmer and being a bit confused about how to send emails to being unable to walk and a catastrophic deterioration in cognition. He's in a home now and my mum is living with us (that's a whole other story, but its not easy!). He has deteriorated a lot and now can't walk, doesn't really sleep, crawls out of bed, and can be aggressive. When we visit he is by turns upset, falling asleep, telling us all the hallucinations he thinks are his reality now, and mumbling unintelligibly.
He had a traumatic childhood involving neglect and he now seems to be relieving this as living nightmares that he believes are true. It's really really heartbreaking. He was always an anxious man who found it hard to relax and enjoy things, and these traits seem to have multiplied exponentially with the dementia. He thinks that there have been murders in the home, police called, that he has been kicked and punched, that a tree fell on the home and they all had to evacuate. He also says quite explicit things to my mum when she goes on her own, imagines he sees naked women - and then is extremely upset and remorseful to my mum because he thinks he has been unfaithful to her (with imaginary people or people he's know in the past) and the other week he told me he thought i'd 'had sex with 12 men.'
Both me and my DM find this just really really upsetting to see. I know we shouldn't take the weird stuff to heart - which we do our best at, but the upset and the living nightmare he is in is just hell on earth. All we can do is say - 'Dad, that can't be true and you don't need to worry - it was just a dream', and try and talk about nice things. there just isn't anything left he can enjoy now; he was an intellectual who read the paper every day and read poetry and birdwatched until February. Now he can't have a conversation or read a letter his friend has sent him. We try and show him old photos but that is getting difficult.
I am in despair and so is DM; we really don't look forward to visits any more, but we make ourselves go every week. DM is so upset fo rdays afterwards, I am emotionally cleared out, and to add to this, my DM manifests her upset by being rude and aggressive about trivial subjects (how many cans of chickpeas to put in a houmous recipe anyone?) and upsetting me, my DH and the kids regularly without any understanding of the effects.
I feel like not visiting, but of course we have to while it still benefits him. I wouldn't wish it on anyone!