Please send positive stories of respite care/ moving to residential care!

[willowtree81]

My mum is at the mid-late stage of vascular dementia / Altzheimers. My dad has been her carer for years. On Sunday I took her to a local place for her first ever overnight respite trip (2 nights). She went surprisingly happily. - I think she gets bored with Dad at home....

We were hugely relieved. But tonight my Dad had a 'worrying' call saying she had been agitated, refusing to take meds and trying to leave yesterday and today.

We all know this respite isn't optional as things can't go on as they have been and this is basically the only option rather than full time residential care. (To delay that really). I'm sure mum will be very cross when she comes home (her moods have always been difficult.) and I am just so worried about how we will ever get her to go there again.

She's due to go next in early July. Also my Dad is due to have an operation sometime next month so it's unavoidable that she will have to go back.

Any tips / positive stories would be really hugely gratefully received as my Dad particularly, but we are all struggling tonight thinking of her there.

Thanks for reading.

Anyone?

Its hard, but yes they do get unsettled, When a place came up for my father were like ..its too soon but actually it was the best thing as he understood the routine there , he joined in the activities and enjoyed them ..6 montsh earlier it would have been a battle. Then as his illness progressed when he could remembr it was familiar to him. They forget how they enjoyed the respite care and how comfortable they were so yes a battle is likely . But we found the battle happend at home rather on arrival as Dad was always polite. It is hard but you also have to put teh welfare of your father to the forefront. My father was on teh waiting list for residential for about 10 months before a place came up in the place that we liked... Its hard on everyone this brutal disease.

DF moved to a care home for Covid as he would not have coped at home. Four visists a day from carers would have met his physical needs but he would have died of sadness, loneliness etc as he could not be alone. He has mid stage Alzheimers but is physically ok.

On balance he has been happy in the care home - safe, well fed and most importantly lots of company. Occasionally he recalls his own home and says he is sad he had to move. The sadness is real but passes. But decisions like this are rarely black and white so we have to balance the bad with the good and on balance I think he is in the best place for him. But we feel guilty - and relieved at the same time - as we live a long way away.

Thank you both so much for these responses. I'm so sorry you have been through this too.

My MIL was happy when she initially went in (she'd been living alone and shielding so VERY bored) then became very unsettled. I think the reality hit her a bit and living with other people who have dementia is hard. The home were very good at helping us through it. She's ... Content now. She isn't happy, because we'll it's not a happy situation but it's the best of a rotten set of alternatives and she knows that.