Tomorrow morning, dh is flying to Belfast (we live in Scotland, but he's from NI) in order to take his increasingly demented dad to the care home he needs to look after him properly. FIL can no longer dress himself, find the toilet in the night, make a cuppa or really string a sentence together. He lives with his partner and she's come to the end of her rope with looking after him, she's not sleeping and can't leave the house any more.
Between social work, dh and FIL's partner's son, they have found a fantastic little care home where fil will be cared for really well, he'll have a lovely home looking over the sea and they're prepared to do so much to look after him and make him welcome.
Dh is ready to do this but he's just told me he's not really coping with it very well. He's not sleeping great and he's saying he doesn't want to do Father's Day. It's also his dad's birthday in the next 2 weeks (during the time fil will have to isolate) and dh is just really down about it all.
Our dc are older (17,19,21) and so I can explain about dh not wanting to celebrate. Part of the problem is that this is early onset Alzheimer's and fil is only 75. Dh has convinced himself that the same will happen to him, which isn't helping. Dh is a GP and so aware of all the potential issues, and there seems to be nothing to stop him catastrophising about the whole thing, fil not settling, d( gett8ng the same disease, everyone blaming him etc etc etc.
I just don't know what to do to help. Dh has depression and I think he needs to up his ad dose, but he brushes me off when I say that. I'm trying to keep everything calm and organised at home, but that's not the easiest as I'm disabled and household chores are quite hard. Got the kids on board and we're going to do a blitz tomorrow (dh leaves to get his flight at 5:30 and will be home by about 7pm).
I feel so much better having typed all this out. I'm doing the best I can, I reckon all I can do is listen.