respite experience

[notnownora]

I live with my mum who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and vascular dementia 2 years ago. I suppose she is at a mid-stage of dementia (she is often confused, forgetful and hears voices but she is generally good-humoured). Up until now we have not had any sort of outside care involved but I'm thinking about organising some respite care. This would be to give me a break and also as a first step towards possible residential care.

I wondered what people's experiences have been of respite in similar situations. I want it to be a positive experience for her but am worried that it will cause even more confusion. Any advice greatly received!

Hi there are you meaning for her to go to a care home for a week or so to give you a break or to have a carer coming in to your home every so often for an hour or 2?

My mu has Alzheimers and did not want carers at home initially, however now she can't be without them. She has built up good relationships with some of them and loves the company. We don't live together though so the situation is somewhat different.

Now is a good time to do this when she sounds like she still has the ability to learn new things albeit slowly. I was surprised at how well my dad adapted.

OnthePiste I have been thinking about both options. I feel like she will need to go into residential care at some point and I wonder if respite would be a good first move. Unfortunately the Covid situation is making things more complicated with many care homes requiring self isolation for 10 days. I don't feel like it would be fair to do that to her at this stage. I don't know how successful having home carers would be. I am self-employed and am based at home so I think having someone coming in would be quite disruptive - I may be wrong though!
helpfulperson Yes I agree that I think she would have some understanding of changes brought in at this stage. I'm glad to hear that your dad had a positive experience. Can I ask if he went on to have permanent residential care or occasional respite? I know that something has to change in the near future, and am wondering if we could cope with doing respite on a regular basis or if that would be too confusing.

Yes the isolation is a nuisance as you really could sell her a week's respite care as a bit of a holiday, change of scene etc but not if she has to stay in her room the whole time! Maybe wait a while and hopefully restrictions might lift.

In the mean time, maybe try a companion carer once or twice a week, mum has these and they take her out for a drive, sit and chat, whatever she wants to do really. It would give you a break and you could say that you have meetings at these times and a "friend" of yours would like to come over and keep her company?

Dad went for respite care about four times and then to full time care for his last 18 months. We always said mum was away for a few days even when she was just at home and he accepted that. The staff will be experienced at settling people and how best to do things.

My Dad hated it, he couldn't understand why he was there, and most of the other residents were more advanced in their dementia, but we had to take what we could get. Mum was having her knee replaced. If you have a choice of home maybe you could find one where the other residents aren't too advanced and she will have someone to talk too? Good luck with it.

My mum did respite care a couple of times when dad had to go into hospital and she had reached the point that she wasn't safe overnight. It was very helpful for me to see her in that environment, how she reacted, and to know that she would cope in the longer term.
Trying some respite placements will help you in assessing if a particular home would be a good fit - mum couldn't access big gardens, but absolutely loved an otherwise not very attractive looking place which had an internal courtyard garden with several sets of doors into it which had raised beds with trowels/mini forks left in it for them to use and some rabbits. She was able to wander in and out quite safely. But what she didn't like was anyone trying to organise her into activities or not being able to go to bed when she wanted - so a ground floor room, and quiet social areas were a must

Thanks for all the comments. I am so grateful for all the advice i can get!
I have noticed that many homes will do a minimum of 2 weeks of respite care, I have found one that will do one week but they still suggest 2 would be better. I wondered if two weeks was the amount of time that people tend to choose. I can imagine my mum taking a while to get used to the new setting.
CMOTDibblerI think she would be happy to move in permanently if we found a home with rabbits!! I think nice outdoor space would make such a difference.
Purpleavocado This is something that is bothering me since my mum is at a mid-stage and is quite keen to talk and joke with people. I have looked around a couple of homes where the residents with dementia seemed to be at a more advanced stage.