My Mum was diagnosed back in 2015 although hadn't been herself for a couple of years before then.
At one point, she had a brain haemorrhage & no longer recognised me but as it healed she recognised me again.
In 2017 she went into a home - she is 6 inches taller than me & I weigh 60% of her weight, she was violent - it was for the best.
They added a mild dose of benzodiazepines, she was a lot calmer. She'd always had a bit of a shake in her right hand, pre-home, but it didn't worsen & once soup was taken off the menu, you wouldn't know!
Our relationship improved, she always recognised me, seeing her was wonderful as she was content.
I could pop in whenever I wanted - no notice needed - we'd even watch Corrie together in the evening.
Her confabulations were fabulous - she once convinced another resident's son that her grandfather had built the care home & it was opened by the Queen...
You really used to go down the rabbit hole when you visited. I'd have to sit in the car with the radio on for 10-15 mins after a visit just to relocate myself back to the normal world!
Around Jan/Feb 2020 the reminiscing stopped.
Although she was still chatty, she would get 'stuck' on a subject & go on & on about it. She might forget a word but could still make the bizarre workings of her mind understood.
Obviously I used to go along with what she was saying.
(I've not actually told her anything about my life since before her official diagnosis as it doesn't register)
During lockdown #1?
Well we Skyped a lot.
The first month was hilarious with her getting used to it but she became an absolute pro at it!
There would be good days & days she was a right mardy cow but hey, we all have off days.
She would still get stuck on a bizarre subject but I'd show her stuff in my house, even bash out songs on the piano, she could talk to my cat, it wasn't so bad.
She knew who I was as I wasn't wearing a mask.
From June 2020 it was idyllic. The home has amazing grounds & enough staff so that at least once a week I could visit & we'd be outside, carer pushing her chair, me socially distanced, all of us looking at birds & plants.
I'm not sure she fully knew who I was with a bloody great mask on but she didn't disagree when I called her Mum & was always pleased to see me.
These outside visits have continued, not as frequently, even through November lockdown, both me & the home moving into Tier 4 & the most recent lockdown.
There was always a carer to make sure I was socially distanced & not slobbering over Mum...
If it was cold then we wrapped up. There was a shelter we could go under if the weather was really rough.
(We're in the SE where the weather is a lot more forgiving).
With LFTs it's been just me & her outside which again has been magical. She loves seeing birds, rabbits & horses & reacts to them (& me!) positively.
Then yesterday I had to see her inside, the weather was just too bad to go outside even under cover so we stayed in her room. I don't think I've seen her inside since February.
It became clear just how bad things have become without me really noticing.
There was nothing really to distract her. Although she was talking constantly, her conversational dead ends have got even worse. I had no idea what she was talking about. I just sat & listened to her.
We were watching tv & it just wasn't sinking in as much unlike her seeing things when we are outside.
Again I'm not sure she'd recognised me but I was in a mask. She didn't disagree when I called her Mum or shove me away when I hugged her.
As for the shake?
Well again being outside had obviously masked it - she usually had a blanket over her hands or was holding onto her wheelchair arms & honestly, there was so much else for us to look at, I was always pointing things out to her, it didn't look that obvious.
So I guess I didn't notice it.
Now inside, with nothing else going on, I can see how bad it really has become.
She has a table over her seat so she can hold onto it.
She tries to hold onto her hands but as they both shake, I guess it's more comforting to hold onto something firm & non-moving.
This is a woman that was a classically trained pianist from the RCM. Her hands were her life.
I'm Skyping her later this week so I'll see how she does.
I almost think that she might have had another brain haemorrhage as the decline seems so fast or maybe I just hadn't noticed?
Or not wanted to notice.
I'm doing a LFT on Bank Holiday Monday. The forecast looks good so hopefully I can take her outside. I'll see how her hands are & I'll let her talk for a bit rather than me always pointing stuff out all the time. See how she is without distractions.
She may just have been having a bad day or this could really be it.
This could be us moving into the majorly grim part.
I first had to intervene in her life back in 2013 so it has been a long time & maybe I've been lucky so far.
I came back yesterday & listened to a piece she used to play. Chopin's Harp Etude. We have a grand piano & I used to nap under it whilst she played when I was little.
Thank you for listening. I hate Alzheimer's.