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Dementia and Alzheimer's

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Forgetting car controls

9 replies

dangermouseisace · 19/04/2021 17:22

Hi. My dad’s memory isn’t great, and hasn’t been for a while. I work with disabled adults so I thought I had quite a good handle on what’s acceptable forgetfulness and what would be more concerning. So far, he’s been more forgetful than someone his age generally is, but nothing overly concerning. He is petrified about the possibility of developing dementia, as there’s a lot of it in our family. He’s had a brain scan and there is some vascular damage (TIA’s)

My mum said dad came in the other night saying he’d forgotten how to dip the headlights (must have been on full beam). He had to ask her how to do it, then went back out to the car. think that’s a red flag, as its the same on every car, and has been for decades. My mum says it’s because he hasn’t driven for a short time. My dad usually drives a lot. I’ve said that my concern is, if he forgets something fairly basic/universal like the headlights, the risk is confusing something more serious such as the brake for the accelerator, and maybe he needs a memory test. The subject was then rapidly changed by my mum.

Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 19/04/2021 17:26

No. You are not over reacting.

Also, er, driving after a TIA, has his GP given the go ahead?

Chunkymenrock · 19/04/2021 17:35

My goodness, of course you're not overreacting. That is very concerning and I would be starting the conversation about the beginning of the end of driving.

dangermouseisace · 19/04/2021 17:35

Nobody realised he’d had any TIA’s- it was a surprise for that to come up on a scan, he hadn’t shown any obvious symptoms but with his other health issues, it would be easy to miss. He definitely didn’t stop driving!

OP posts:
dangermouseisace · 19/04/2021 17:38

Thanks for your replies- I’m not crazy then. I’m going to have to think about how to approach this in a way that my parents won’t dismiss.

OP posts:
murbblurb · 19/04/2021 17:42

poor chap - this is the terror for all of us. Sadly he does need to recognise that he may become a danger to himself and others.

So, so difficult - but the possible outcome for others is even worse. I hope that the memory issues will be very, very slow in worsening, and there are systems to help, but driving is a complex technical skill and there isn't time to stop and think.

so sorry.

MereDintofPandiculation · 23/04/2021 09:31

If someone’s doing all their driving in town, they may never need to switch between full and dipped headlights, so easy to forget . It’s a long way between forgetting that and forgetting which is the brake pedal. I’d be more worried if he, for example, forgot how to use his indicators which is something he’ll be using every trip. But there are centres which assess drivers with dementia and whether they’re still ok to drive.

It’s worth totting up the cost of running a car, especially if they’re currently running two cars, and converting it to taxi miles. Remember costs of insurance, car servicing and repairs, and cost of replacing car. If he’s in his 70s, insurance will still be low, but once he gets to 90 it will rocket

rbe78 · 23/04/2021 09:37

Yes, probably concerning.

BUT as a counterpoint, we have two vehicles, both with different controls (they're not the same on all cars at all) - I hadn't driven one for quite some time and had to check with my partner how to switch on full beam lights when I drove it recently.

BunnyRuddington · 24/04/2021 22:02

Agree with Mere on totting up the cost of having a car, don't forget things like depreciation and work out how much they'd get to put in the bank from selling their car.

We did this when my DF was thinking of giving up driving.

It's also worth working out which local taxi company that they'd be happy to use and giving them the number. If they use an app, would your DM be able to use that?

My DM never drove and was very reluctant for my DF to give up, but really fir him it was the right time.

We're having a similar thing with other relatives right now where he has wanted to give up but she doesn't drive and wanted him to carry on. Giving them the information on how much they'd bank and then save has really swung it for them

BunnyRuddington · 24/04/2021 22:09

this information from Alzheimer's UK might help too Thanks

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