Where to start?

[MrsExpo]

Help!! I am convinced my DH is getting dementia. He is 74, in poor health generally and is showing all the signs of forgetfulness, struggling to find words for things, loss of ability to deal with finances and numbers generally, lack of concentration and obvious lack of willingness to drive (which is a blessing actually, as his car clearly scares the hell out of him!).

He flatly refuses to see a doctor to get help.

I am 67, fit and in good health and have taken over all of our domestic administration, driving etc.

Where do I start with this? Would it be a good idea for me to go to our GP for a chat on my own? Get other family members involved? (he is very close to his younger brother).

I just don't know where to start. All advice would be hugely appreciated. Many thanks ....

The fact that he doesn’t want to speak to the GP must be particularly upsetting.

Has he given you LPA? If not, it might be worth asking if he will before seeing the GP as LPAs for health and finance may make things easier for you as things progress.

Does he accept that he is getting forgetful and things could get worse?

Useful link here to distinguish between normal age-related memory loss and dementia

If you mention your concerns to his doctor then they can talk to him about it with the line that it's standard procedure for people of his age. I am sorry, it must be very worrying for both of you.

@MereDintofPandiculation

Thank you for that link.

Thank you for the link @MereDintofPandiculation ... very interesting reading.

Looking at the information and the table relating to comparing normal memory loss with possible dementia, DH is firmly in the dementia list on all points. He recently forgot how to operate his iPad, for example, being unable to relate the code number to open it, to the figures on the screen in front of him.

@BunnyRuddington ... I am in the process of getting PoAs inlace and he is cooperating with that. My plan is very much to get those sorted out and then get him to a doctor. He has now said he will see a doctor when's had his second Covid jab in a couple of weeks time, plus 3 weeks to "let it do its work", so I have a short but vital time window to get these things signed off.

Thank you all for your replies.

I am in the process of getting PoAs inlace and he is cooperating with that. My plan is very much to get those sorted out and then get him to a doctor. He has now said he will see a doctor when's had his second Covid jab in a couple of weeks time, plus 3 weeks to "let it do its work", so I have a short but vital time window to get these things signed off. Well, that sounds like a positive step forward.

You've probably got a local Carer's group near to you, I'd try and search them out and see what they offer. Even if it's only a weekly Zoom at the moment they might might provide you with useful information on how to plan and where to go for help.

If this Dementia, you'll probably be best applying for Attendance Allowance next and it can pay for services he may need, even if it's just a day or two in daycare to give him some stimulation and you a break.

Age Concern have this article on planning for future.

It's also worth doing the Herbert Protocol. When DMIL was at home she could find her way around and was fine coming and going until suddenly one week she started going out at odd times and forgetting her way home.