I found my mother's stash of suicide pills

[IamMala]

My poor, gentle, confused 92-year-old mother has had a fall and her condition deteriorated badly. Today i went through her drawers to get her socks (she lives in a home and was moved to another room) and found a plastic envelope. I opened it because i thought it was her passport... It had a letter from her mother written over 80 years ago and a huge stash of morphine. I am guessing she had planned to use it as an exit, but never did. I just want to cry and cry... Her mother was murdered not long after the letter was written. Life is so unfair.

I'm so sorry IamMala, it's incredibly painful to come across these things and realise what mental and emotional pain our loved ones have struggled with (and possibly still do at times).

My DM survived an overdose of OTC painkillers when still living alone in her home, and later in a residential home didn't eat for two months (of her own choice, still had capacity then) so was not far from dying then too. She wouldn't have the mental focus to do it now, which is good in some ways but hard in others as self-determination was always massively important to her, and that's been taken away by the disease.

What a heart wrenching discovery @IamMala, that's so sad for you and for your Mother.

Thank you so much for your replies... I know there's a long and sad road ahead