Mental health in the elderly in lockdown

[Oleanderrules]

My mum seems to have really deteriorated this year -
She is 80 and pre lockdown was very sparky but now seems very confused
I saw her today and she thought I was her sister .
She's also been very rude and
direct to people
She also has an issue with eye contact
I suspect it might be dementia
Just not sure what to do
Feel very worried for her

Could you speak to her GP and express your concerns for her MH or Memory? Really it sounds as if she does need some sort of assessment

My mum really went down hill in the first lockdown last year. Looking back there were signs, (repeating herself, short term memory loss) prior to this but the confusion started in April. She was diagnosed with Alzheimers.

I would contact her GP, mum's was great and got her in for a memory test (although she passed this with flying colours!) but at least we had the ball rolling for when she hit crisis point.

Thanks for getting back to me
I have spoken with her gp and talked through how she has been and he is inviting her in
I feel scared as she has deteriorated so quickly - not know who I am
Will she ever recognise me again
Also I don't have power of attorney and my father died a while back
She's behaving in quite a mean way and it stirs up bad memories as it reminds me or how she has been when I was growing up
She has always had a narcissistic streak and it's coming out more

She's behaving in quite a mean way and it stirs up bad memories as it reminds me or how she has been when I was growing up

She has always had a narcissistic streak and it's coming out more.

Oh I'm so sorry Oleander. I think that there's usually a presumption by many people when something like this happens that they've been a caring DM and you'd be only too happy to take in some aspects of care for her.

My "D"M sounds very much like yours and I think you need to think carefully about how you see your role moving forward.

I'm not sure what happens if there's no POA, hopefully you'll get some more posts about that but I've managed to find this on Age UKK*

If she has gone down hill rapidly, could it be an infection? Dementia is a slow moving disease as a rule. My mum has had to UTI;s recently which have made her confused and paranoid. She had no other physical symptoms, just the confusion.

Hopefully this is the first thing the GP will rule out. Sorry you are going through this, it is very stressful. Talking point (another forum) on Alzheimers.org.uk is a good place to go for advice.

Thanks for the messages
Yes it's definitely tricky because there is something a bit broken in our relationship and obviously it's too late to work on that now
Thanks too for the forum advice
I am sure my worries are common ones - I just don't know who to talk to as my friends have not had these issues yet with their parents
She has been checked for infections including UTI but she's clear
It feels like she has declined really quickly

Glad she's clear of infections. Do you know when she's having a check up with the GP?

It might be worth registering her under the Herbert Protocol with her local Police Service, just in case she decides to go wondering. Just google Herbert Protocol and her County and it should come up

Will she ever recognise me again If she doesn't recognise you now, she may have flashes when she does. If she recognises you now, it may be a long time before she fails to recognise you.

Has she capacity to understand what a PoA is? If so, then it's sensible to get them in place. "Capacity" isn't and all-or-nothing thing, it's on a decision by decision basis.

Try not to take her behaviour personally, keep telling yourself that it's the dementia talking.

If she doesn't recognise you now, she may have flashes when she does. If she recognises you now, it may be a long time before she fails to recognise you

This is so true. Last time DMIL saw DSIL her face lit up and she said "oh it's my daughter!" With a big happy smile. She hadn't really known her fir a while before this.