Any advice for ‘activities’ for mother in law with Alzheimer’s

[CoffeeNeeded2019]

My lovely mother in law, who I adore, has early onset Alzheimer’s and dementia.

She’s currently in what I think is mid-late stage.
She cannot follow a conversation at all but is generally happy to be ‘directed’ to do activities as long as they’re not stressful. (Puzzles for example, even toddler puzzles are too much for her)

She has a very supportive husband who fortunately is well and looks after her brilliantly.
We go over every weekend to give him a break and try to take her to interesting places / take activities with us. (In a support bubble)

We also have a 2 year old who adores ‘Nanny’ and so far they seem to enjoy similar things; although the excitable toddler noises are occasionally proving to be an issue.

Lockdown is proving more of a challenge as the weather means that MIL doesn’t want to go out for very long.
She enjoys painting, colouring, having her nails done.
Does anyone have any suggestions for other activities she might enjoy? She seems to only be able to do them with someone alongside her.
Ideally not the tv as she tends to watch that in the evenings.

Gosh, just realised how long that is.
Thank you if you’ve read all of it!

Can she knit? Something simple like knitting squares for a blanket worked for my mum for a while. Or if she can't knit, mess up a ball of wool and ask her if she'd mind untangling it. We also had a big old biscuit tin with buttons in - we'd tip them out and ask mum if she'd mind sorting it into colours, or sizes. Or balling socks, so pairing them up, matching them, etc. Or putting a whole pile of change into stacks of pounds, or sorting into types. Basically anything which is simple and can make her feel useful.

Again it's something you'd have to do with her but my DMIL loved looking through her old photo albums with us, just as long as she wasn't out under any pressure to remember the people or events

My mum can't do puzzles or draw or knit.

Bizarrely, she can play dominoes - the ones with coloured dots that we had as children.
So my dad and she play for an hour each night. It has been a life-saver for him as it is a rare time where the two of them do the same thing together on equal terms.

Otherwise she feeds the birds then watches them for 30 mins to an hour with coffee and biscuits.

She waters the plants (daily now, which is too much, but my dad drains the excess water when she has gone to bed.

She watches certain TV programmes - Pointless, the snooker, football and Tour de France are hits. She struggles to follow much else but always watches the 6pm news.

I gave her a page a day Bird calendar which she loves changing each day. My dad looks the bird up on his tablet to see where it lives and for her to hear its call. She shows me the picture and he relays their research on our nightly Skype.

She has a monthly Bloom and Wild letterbox flowers delivery and is still good at arranging those. She titivates them most days.

She looks at the newspaper 'The i' while my dad reads the Guardian.

They clean or tidy something together - so she might dust the windowsills while he hoovers, or he might sort paperwork and she helps put them into files.

They walk round the block if it isn't raining.

Instead of this walk, before lockdown they would walk at a local NT or EH property but always had a daily outing, usually to a garden centre, which she loves. She always bought something - usually cards or hand cream as presents. My dad made a flask of coffee and they packed cake and stopped for coffee in the car with a view.

Basically each of these things has a slot in the day and it helps to give an illusion of lots of activity and being useful (she used to do everything round the house) as well as something to report to me at night.

Oh, and watching what the Chinese couple over the road are doing. They moved in during the first lockdown and have been renovating the house ever since - I would pay them to keep doing it! It has been a source of endless fascination and speculation.

My mum at that sort of stage liked feeding the birds (far too much), watering the plants, 'weeding' (anything she didn't like, often actually leaving the weeds), and watching a very small selection of DVDs over and over (Dads Army, Fred Dibnah and Andre Rieu). I think it was at that stage she liked the toddler books where you pressed a button and it played music - she had a Nutcracker one that she played with for hours.

If you had it all weighed out so it was a throw together and mix thing, might your MIL enjoy cutting out biscuits or making jam tarts - something from a toddler cookery book level

Simple jobs like cleaning silver or brass or emptying the dishwasher etc can work. Or games like noughts and crosses.

Wow , thank you so much for the lovely suggestions ; I really appreciate it

I think the baking ‘toddler level’ and the musical books could be a big hit, she’s a big fan of cake.
Pre-lockdown we’d often incorporate a coffee and a cake after a mooch round a garden centre or similar.

I’ll definitely dig out the photo albums, that’s a great idea.

Unfortunately she can’t knit, and the dishwasher is far too big a challenge now. Even following whether things are going in or out of it is too much for her, let alone where they go.

We have tried dominoes and snakes and ladders but she can’t count the spots on the dominoes or follow the idea of snakes and ladders.
I have just bought a ‘snap’ card game with those ideas in mind though so perhaps that might be more do-able.

I’ll look into the flower subscription from Bloom and Wild, she loves flowers and would probably really enjoy arranging and rearranging them.

You sound like a lovely DIL.

Might a fiddle mat/fiddle muff be an option? Something to occupy her hands but not requiring any effort or undoing? Like this?
www.etsy.com/uk/listing/934161179/fidget-fiddle-lap-activity-blanket?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_ds-b-Home_and_Living-home_and_living-bedding-blankets_and_throws-quilts&utm_custom1=k_CjwKCAiAxp-ABhALEiwAXm6Iyel4JxrVA5HBQBCl188WK4wLxDNMCaqlOc0NLN5TTp2muhJEO1MYFhoCV2oQAvD_BwE_k&utm_content=go_6479345241_77722655677_380846433106_pla-308021000775_m__934161179engb_169617985&utm_custom2=6479345241&gclid=CjwKCAiAxp-ABhALEiwAXm6Iyel4JxrVA5HBQBCl188WK4wLxDNMCaqlOc0NLN5TTp2muhJEO1MYFhoCV2oQAvD_BwE

How about sensory activities? Water beads? Toilet roll and soap flakes sludge? (that will leave her hands smelling gorgeous, as well as being really satisfying) Cornflour gloop?

Have a google for pre school or autism sensory play.

My grandad loves playing with bubbles, balloons, tiddlywinks, things like that.

Someone used to come in a place I helped at and buy a roll of wool . Their mil would roll /unroll it and it would keep her occupied for a fair while.

This thread is making me miss my MIL. She's way past this stage, sadly, (or possibly luckily, since we can't visit) but finding things to occupy her and make her smile, was very rewarding, back when she was at that point.

To be fair, nothing beat popping a jumbo chocolate button on her tongue! Each time we visited it was as if she'd never tasted them before, and it was a whole mind-blowing and wonderful new experience every time. "Oooooh!!!" she'd go. Love her.

My friend bought some of these for her mum - they sound expensive but they are reusable again and again:

www.alzproducts.co.uk/aquapaint-for-dementia

and these:

www.alzproducts.co.uk/chatterbox-cards-1950s

She also bought her jigsaw puzzles with age appropriate pictures but only 12 pieces or so. Towards the end she had a tray cloth/mat made for her a bit like the Twiddle muffs. It had a key on a chain, lots of different textures, bright colours and things that her mum loved - an applique velvet cat to stroke, a keyboard because she was an accomplished pianist.

I work as an activity coordinator in dementia services and notice you have not mentioned music. Go on youtube and type in care home singers, some have the lyrics up so you can sing along. There is also BBC musical Memories Rewind, where you can pick out different genres of music and radio from the 1930's onwards, including theme music from old tv shows. Also M4dradio.com - Music for Dementia.
We played a new enjoyable game today - Guess the Sound, also on youtube.

What about if she ‘helped’ you teach your youngster some nursery rhymes. Throw in some action ones - heads, shoulders, knees and toes etc! Can be done sitting down and standing up.

My mil likes listening to Cliff Richard CD’s, watching Mrs Brown DVD’s playing with her knitting (she doesn’t knit any more ) & stroking her animatronic dog.

I was coming on to suggest the aquapaint. My daughter has some with Mickey Mouse and Peppa Pig and my Grandad with dementia over doing them when he was alive. I didn't know you could get more adult ones! He liked doing Donald Duck in the race car the best.

I'd recommend reminiscence type activity. Old songs/newspapers/ tv shows/ photos/ big events from their lifetime ( I know you said no tv) but I have found people with dementia often react so positively to things retained in their long term memory like this and find it calming.

My Mum liked to feel useful. We did the types of things flipflo lists.
She also loved folding things, so I would bring piles of things like tea towels or pillow cases to fold up. Chopping up fruit and veg also were good activities.

Some great ideas on this thread, I'll bookmark it. My Mum is not quite at the same stage yet, but a bird feeder that sticks on the window has been a massive hit, along with keeping an eye on the pigeon that comes along and clears up anything they drop

I second the poster who mentioned music. When my mum could remember almost nothing else, she could, with a bit of prompting, sing lots of old songs from her youth, especially wartime ones. She loved a singalong.
She had a physio for a while after she broke her arm, and the physio would toss a beanbag to her from about a yard distant for her to try to catch and throw back. She really put a lot of effort into that and had a good laugh doing it. She had a good sense of humour till the end.

My GIL used to love throwing a ball for my toddler. Using sticks as hockey sticks and passing to each other, throwing beanbags etc. Good for some gentle exercise for both.

I was going to say singing - and maybe dancing in the living room if she’s physically able.

Gardening type activities in the spring - getting her to plant seeds? Or planting bulbs in pots?

The only thing my MIL does now, is 'sing' to herself. Other than that she's just a shell. She doesn't respond or react to us at all.

Her 92 year old sister phones her every week. The carers hold the phone to MIL's ear, and Auntie M sings to MIL the songs that they used to sing in their childhood. It's incredibly moving.

How about planting things too?