My MIL is in a care home in Sussex and we live 4 hours away, although her daughter lives very close to her care home so she is not without family close by. I am on the shielded patient list and my husband has been shielding too, to keep me as safe as possible, so we are not able to go and visit (as in look through the window as no one is allowed in).
Over the years our relationship with her has not been good. She didn't want her son to marry me as I already had two children (who my DH has been a lovely father to). We also have two children together and have been a happy family for 35 years, but neither my MIL nor late FIL ever acknowledged the existence of my children from my first marriage, and have at times been extremely nasty to me personally.
She had to go into the care home for respite just before the first lockdown as she was due to be discharged from the hospital after breaking her hip, and couldn't go back to her flat as her dementia really rocketed after the general anesthetic. She is now resident in the care home.
The only way my DH can stay in touch with her is on the telephone but it is getting harder and harder with every call. She either keeps saying she can't hear him and/or gets angry because she thinks she has been locked up (she doesn't believe in covid, no explanation of it works), says it's his fault she can't go back to her flat because of how selfish he has always been due to marrying me. She has macula degeneration and cannot see clearly enough to read, so letters are no good.
I don't know what I'm asking really, I just needed a safe space to let off steam. I know she can't help having dementia but after the years of verbal abuse and ignoring my children, I have limited tolerance for it all and I resent the sadness I can see in my DH because of her.