New to all this and feeling lost

[Melabells]

Hi everyone, just to give you some background my father is 64 and has been retired for a year as 4 months. He used to be a carer for someone with epilepsy. Dad lives alone ( he split from mum 12 years ago)and has had severe anxiety and depression on and off for as long as I can remember( I'm 29). In January dad was referred to the memory clinic for further assessment after failing a memory test with the gp at an appointment I had taken him to as I was concerned about him. He was repeating stories, becoming forgetful, forgetting to eat etc. Then COVID happened and I had a baby so we didn't see each other. Now he says he can't remember how to drive, use his mobile and laptop. There is a 500 peice puzzle he has been working on since March that is completely muddled up and not finished. Sorry this is rambling a bit, so . He has been re referred to memory clinic and I will drive him, what can we expect from this further assessment? What will they do? Will they give a definite diagnosis? If not how long does that take? Would anyone be able to share their experiences? I'm feeling a bit lost on how best to support him

Bump 🤞

Sorry about your dad.
What happened with my own dad was we noticed the forgetfulness, and basic things he had done every day for decades he started having problems with. He was literally forgetting how to make a cup of tea, how to use the microwave, how to get dressed.

Dad's GP asked him to draw a clock face with the hands pointing at 2pm, he then gave him a name and address to memorise, asked him who the current prime minister was, what season it was, few more similar questions, then asked him to repeat the name and address he'd asked him to memorise.
We got the referral to the memory clinic but in the meantime there was blood tests and also a brain scan.

The memory clinic was more questions similar to what the GP had asked, also asking Dad about his childhood, his first job, his wedding etc.

The diagnosis was pretty quick, and what we had expected, dementia. The clinic prescribed medication to try and slow the decline.

Having said all that, depression, and also things like urinary infections, can cause memory and cognitive issues so it might be something that needs a course of medication, but isn't necessarily worst-case scenario.

Really sorry to hear this. He and you are so young, I hope it's something treatable. I thought my sister and I were at the younger end dealing with this sort of situation but we are late 30's. Have you got siblings or family who could help with support?

What happened with Dad is that they did the short test (probably the one that the GP did for you), and an MRI to see any brain changes, and then events rather took over and he went into a nursing home.

In may case - short test, MRI, then lots of tests over 2 months, about an hour or so at a time, looking at every different aspect of brain function. Very thorough and great fun. Probably not too distressing if you're not doing well because it's more about "how much time did this take" "how many words did you home up with" rather than obvious right and wrong answers. And the person administering certainly won't be saying "no, that's the wrong answer".

At the end, you'll either get "functioning normally for age", "dementia" (perhaps with type), or "mild cognitive impairment" - which may or may not move on to being dementia.

Thanks for all the responses. It's good to know we are going to get him some more support. We have got ball rolling with solicitor for change if POa. My sister and I are now alternating checking on him/ taking him shopping. Yesterday he left all his weeks food in a trolley and just wandered away and lost it so glad I was there or I don't know what he would have done. The week before he tried to wander out the shop without paying 😔so worried.

The best piece of advice I was given was "Put your own oxygen mask on first".
You will, naturally, be desperately worried about your dad but you need to prioritise your own health, especially with you having a baby. There's only so much you can mentally and physically do without making yourself sick with the stress of it.

From my dad's diagnosis to his eventual death it was about five years. That's an awful long time to be living with constant worry, you can be there for your dad but try not to let his illness take over your own life.

Some areas are better than others with regards to help from Social Services etc.