What do I say to her?

[flygirl767]

Hi my Mum was admitted to a MH unit 2 days ago where she is currently being assessed. She is ringing me several times a day and I am able to go and see her tomorrow in the grounds of the hospital. The thing is, she doesn't know why she is in there and will not admit that there is anything wrong. She keeps saying that she is fit as a fiddle and no idea why all these doctors keep speaking to her.

I know this is probably very common when dementia is being diagnosed but what do I say to her? She has not recollection of any of the incidents at home that led her to being admitted i.e calling the police, constantly thinking there were people in her house and not being aware where she was. She is saying that the doctors have said people have told them that she was confused and she wants to know who as she is definitely not confused! I've just sort of ummed and ahhed so far but while I don't want to distress her, I also don't want to pretend I don't know why she's there.

I think the advice is to kind of go along with her but try to distract.

When my mum was in this stage I talked matter of factly as though it was something she'd already agreed with and I focussed on her memory problems. 'You know how you've been forgetting things sometimes....we're here to work out why and try to help'.

My guess is she does know she doesn't remember stuff and possibly that she is confused but doesn't want to admit it because she's scared. I think in retrospect my mum had been hiding the problem for a long time before it became apparent to everyone else and covering it up had become second nature.

But to you, it's a horrible time. Hope you get the support you need.

My personal experience is that the disease was always a step ahead / I was always in denial about progression and the endgame. Every time I got a solution in place the situation had worsened and the help I'd arranged wasn't enough.

Good luck.

That sounds really stressful flygirl. Dementia can horrible and is potentially just as, or more distressing for family members and carers.
Not having an awareness of there being a problem is very common.
Language is important and so approaching things in terms of memory problems rather than talking about dementia or alzheimer's can help. After all we all forget things so it is possible to be a bit humorous about this and keep it light. Possibly your mum might be happier if she feels that she was being a bit forgetful and that doctors are there to help with this.
It might be that you explain all of this to mum and she forgets and explaining can be a bit of a repeat performance. Seek out support locally, ask the gp, staff where your mum is . Look after yourself too.

I would just say that you understand a doctor will be round later on to talk to her so she can explain it all to him or her then.

Dementia is one of the occasions it is sometimes kinder to pretend you don’t know things and to lie.

will not admit that there is anything wrong

To be fair, she probably doesn't think there is. Like a PP, when my MIL was being assessed (and then when she was transferred to respite care) and asked what was going on, we gently reminded her of things that had happened, and how much they had frightened her. That we needed to make sure she was safe and not as anxious about things. That the doctors were going to work out how they could make things easier for her, and maybe give her some medication that would make her less worried.

It helped that her sleep had been really bad and that she'd been scared of noises in the night and thought people were in her house. So we were able to say that she was safer in the hospital and that we were going to make sure her doors and windows were safe while she was there.