Is this the last stages

[Applejack87]

My mum has been in a nursing home for three years with Vascular dementia which reared its ugly head after a basic knee replacement . She doesn’t have any lucid moments and is bed bound , my dad is with her 7 days a week all day ensuring that’s age ok and fed . However the home went into lock down three weeks ago , we have been Skyping just for her to hear our voices
Yesterday we Skyped and she couldn’t speak and has lost so much weight she looks like a corpse . We were told that she has a chest infection and the Dr prescribed antibiotics however she isn’t eating or drinking for the last few days . We are at our wits end especially as we can’t visit
Why can’t she talk any more she’s just making groaning sounds , I asked the nurse if she could have had a mini stroke but she said no because she’s moving I disagree
We just don’t know what to do 😢

Oh I'm so sorry this must be absolutely awful for you. Can you speak to her GP?

Tbh she has deteriorated since the lock down she was fine prior to it . How could this have happened so quickly , the nurse phoned the GP & he prescribed antibiotics as she had a cough but no fever
I want answers as to why she has lost the ability to speak

It is quite common in the final stages for people with dementia to stop eating and drinking. They can find speaking difficult, but if there has been a massive sudden change in her speech it may be indicative of a stroke, and often those strokes cause swallowing issues which may be causing her not to eat.

I would have a think and a chat with the doctor, but keep in mind what you want the outcome to be. Do you want her in hospital to have a scan to check for a stroke? If this is the case, what is the function of any results? She is unlikely to have intensive therapy or feeding tubes if they think she has advanced or end of life dementia.

So try and work out what you want before you speak to the doctors. Thinking of you, this is a difficult time. Xx

Sorry to read this post - my dad died from advanced vascular dementia 3 weeks ago. He lost interest in eating a few weeks earlier. We were very well supported by his GP - is it possible for them to visit - some of the feedback was hard to hear but it gave us a better understanding - he did deteriorate quickly and lost some speech ability - might be different as I have no experience of what is available in a nursing home but the district nurses were able to provide relief to him. My heart goes out to you

It becomes physically difficult to swallow in the final stages. Also, in my (limited) experience, I find that sometimes people quite literally lose the will to live and give up. I’m sorry but I’d prepare yourself OP

Thankyou all , she declined after the lock down maybe she knew my dad wasn’t there & lost the will to live . The Gp can’t visit so it’s a guessing game he thinks it could be covid but she doesn’t have a fever
I honestly think she’s had a mini stroke & it’s taken away her ability to speak it’s heart breaking as she can only groan . The worst part is we can’t see her the nurse said we can speak to the Dr on Monday as it’s BH weekend it’s all such a nightmare
I don’t think putting her into hospital is going to save her in fact it’s a dangerous place to be at the moment with the virus
Thankyou for your advice I think your right that she can no longer swallow but I’ve never heard of the Covid19 taking away the ability to speak

It may well be that it’s the dementia that’s reduced her speech and made it harder to swallow and reduced her appetite, but if it was a small stroke it would be unlikely to change any sort of outcome or her treatment. You are doing everything you can possibly do - don’t beat yourself up and feel like you’re not fighting hard enough. You’ve raised your concerns, and done what you can. Are you able to continue Skyping her so she can hear your voice? Hope you’re okay.

Thankyou Magggiemay it’s just happened so fast I’ve been Skyping every other day & she was fun she can’t communicate but she’d know who I was & say my name , lucid moments went three years ago
I just don’t know how the Dr can guess it’s covid when she clearly can’t speak
I agree maybe the Dementia has progressed but why during lock down it’s almost like she gave up the will to live 😢

I’m so sorry Apple. At least you know that she’s in a place that’s familiar to her, and not surrounded by people in space suits like she would be in a hospital. I hope lockdown ends soon and you are able to visit, if that what you would like to do x

I agree maybe the Dementia has progressed but why during lock down Mental function seems to take a rapid downturn every time there is a change to routine - just as you said "reared its ugly head after a basic knee replacement"

My mum was stable before the lock down she has deteriorated rapidly . I put a camera in her room just before lock down but the manager took it out I don’t have poa
I feel she’s been neglected and was alive because my dad was with her every day
The home are still saying she hasn’t had a stroke I believe she has they said she couid have covid but they can’t test her

My poor mum is around day four of no food or fluids it’s such a long suffering , made worse that she has lost her speech
Why is life so cruel , I’ve been told to make funeral arrangements now , it’s heart breaking what with covid my poor dad can’t stay with me

Oh op that's devastating. My DM stopped eating and lasted just 4 days, tho she was tiny by that stage. I am sorry to tell you that but I would prefer to be prepared. A week previously she was eating three meals but her swallow had deteriorated badly. It's devastating that your dad feels his absence has caused this. Thinking of you, keep talking to her. Speech was gone for us due to completely exhaustion. It's terribly cruel.

Poor you op, I'm so sorry you're going through this. My fil passed away in the same circumstances a year ago and it's so so hard. He was given sedatives towards the end and it made a huge difference - will the home be providing anything like this for your DM?

My beloved mum passed away this morning with my dad by her side as always 😢😢

You poor thing, I’m so very sorry for your loss and relieved for you and your DF that she wasn’t alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this terrible time

Oh I'm so sorry to read this but it sounds like she had a true companion in your Dad and I hope, a happy life. Thinking of you, may she RIP.

So sorry for your loss
I'm glad your dad got be with her.
I also lost my mum to vascular dementia, it a horrible,horrible disease.
Take Care

Thankyou

I’m concerned about my dad now as he went to see my mum twice I just pray the covid 19 isn’t in there he wear the full PPE

I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it’s no consolation but she is at peace now and no longer suffering. Please be kind to yourself, especially as you are managing your dad’s grief as well. Take comfort in the fact that she wasn’t alone.

I'm so very sorry for your loss but glad that your dad was able to be there. Best wishes to you and your family.