Worried about Mum

[thefraggleontherock]

Hope this is the right place to post this and sorry if not.

DM is in her early 60's, over the last couple of moths I've noticed her becoming increasingly forgetful and at times confused.

She has times where it's times, dates, birthdays she is getting mixed up and then other times she will forget whole conversations or get really confused then become quite defensive and argumentative.

She has had a stressful time recently so I was putting it down to that but the longer it continues the more concerned I am.

I have spoken to her and she got really upset and said she has noticed it too and told me she has times where she totally blanks and can't remember how to complete tasks she does all the time like a simple till sale at work in the shop she has worked for a long time. She is understandably really scared and worried but I have explained the importance of going to the doctor to find out what, if anything is going on and she agreed to make an appointment and we would go together.

However today she has changed her mind. She said she can't go to the doctor as if there is something wrong she will lose her job that she loves, that I am over reacting and that I'm pressuring her into doing something she's not ready to do.

I just wondered if anyone has any advice, I really feel in my gut like we need to see a doctor, to reassure us both if nothing else but I don't know how to approach it further without her falling out with me which is the last thing I want!

Any help anyone can offer would be great, thank you 😊

If it is the beginnings of dementia, then eventually it will stop her working anyway, as her abilities decline, so better to get diagnosed and tap into sources of support and advice on how to keep her brain working for longer, perhaps even medication to slow the progress.

A visit to the doctor would rule out other things - vitamin deficiency, under active thyroid for example. If it is one of these, then it could be sorted easily.

If other causes are ruled out, then a dementia assessment will take several months, first a simple screening test, then a MRI scan of the brain, then a long series of mental tests, over several visits.

Useful page here from Alzheimers Society on dementia and employment: www.alzheimer-europe.org/Living-with-dementia/After-diagnosis-What-next/Dealing-with-practical-issues/Employment-issues

I am 70 and about 5 years ago I went through something similar. I had been through a very stressful time and really thought I had dementia. I would go to places that were very familiar, but feel totally lost. Once I went on a journey and mistook the road for the next bus. I was almost home before I realised what I was doing. There were several other examples, but I did not seek medical help.

Eventually I came out of the other side. I suggest that, at present, you just give your mum lots of support. Try to find out if she has any particular stress, but don’t suggest a check up just yet. Being there for her without second guessing is the best you can do for her.

Sorry I did not explain that bus journey very well. Instead of going where I was supposed to, I travelled the same route I had just come. I had done that journey thousands of times but did not recognise the route.