Neighbour with dementia

[Lulufluff]

Hi everyone,

Just briefly I have just moved to a new area which we absolutely love - quiet safe and really friendly.
I’m just worried about my neighbour from across the way who has dementia..
we know for sure this is the diagnosis as we have been informed by other neighbours
She’s a wonderful lady very kind and pleasant however I’m worried about her and unsure if I can help in any way:

Let herself into my house when I was unloading the car (I know I should of locked the door)
She has offered me money which obviously I declined.
She leaves her garage full of power tools wide open all day long and her side entrance.
Now as far as I know other neighbours have expressed concern to her son (he gets frustrated and argues that all the help he arranges she chases them down the path in anger)
I’m patient with her and I don’t mind talking to her but she seems lonely and no one barely visits her.
Any advice?

I think you should contact adult social services and it’s worth writing to the local GP surgeries to see if one of them is hers so you can ask them to review her.

Dementia is a horrible disease and I imagine her son is also struggling with what to do for the best but it could be (based on my experience) that she will be more receptive with a figure of authority that is outside of her family.

@orange thank you for your reply.
I have been through dementia with family members so I know how difficult it is but I just feel for her - she even comes and makes conversation with delivery drivers etc that come to our house and tries to help with our move.

Try Admiral Nurses - very nice and very well informed- they may have some suggestions. Good luck OP you sound like a lovely neighbour 💐💐

You could try The Alzheimer’s Society and Age UK. There are often local dementia support groups around, they may be able to help. Lovely that you are a caring neighbour.

I don’t think you should contact anyone about her. Just be as kind as you possibly can. LA and Charities will only approach her if they get her permission. From what you say, that interference would be rejected. There is a risk of your good intentions alienating her son.

I looked after 3 elderly relatives for 10 years. No practical help from their neighbours but quite a lot of judgemental comments. I am not saying you are judgemental, but you do need to look at the whole picture.

@FLOrenze I’m definitely not judgemental, just wanting to help but I thought as much that it could be seen as interfering.
She was outside her house in her pants this morning so it’s very difficult to ignore.
I just wish she had more support but I guess I’ll just have to leave her to it

Contact your local adult social services. It may be that her son is pushing against a brick wall trying to get them to help and your call could help.

Please don't leave her to it. Make a report to social services. We had a relative who lived far away and wouldn't move closer. When she was found outside in her nightdress it was finally realised she couldn't live alone any longer as it wasn't safe for her. It sounds like it's no longer safe for this lady. Her safety should be the priority. If you can try calling the son then do - if he won't help then SS. Maybe he doesn't know all these things.

When my mum had dementia *@Lulufluff i was so grateful to neighbours like you.
We had a box on the front door that would activate when she opened it and we would receive a call from the care provider.
It only takes one time for her to get out and something to happen to her.
Does her son visit alot?

Thanks everyone it’s really difficult as I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes but I really do think she could use some help.
Neighbour to the left tried talking to lady’s son - her only remaining relative as I’ve gauged and he was particularly aggressive saying people shouldn’t get involved I think he’s got a lot on his plate as I’ve said he’s tried to arrange care for his mum but she doesn’t understand and gets angry with them and they won’t come back.
I think she’s really vulnerable she just stares out of the window - I’m on maternity leave about to have DC1 so I’m at home a lot and have noticed no visitors.
FIL is currently looking after his mother so he’s trying to give good advice but it’s hard when it’s not someone you know but I couldn’t live with myself if she come to harm

@ParkheadParadise I’ve seen her son once? Maybe twice?
Since August

Sadly, there has to be a crisis before a vulnerable person will accept help. We had the same situation with my step-father and mother. LA could not act as they resisted every effort to help. I was told that once the crisis happens, usually a fall, that results in hospital admittance help can be given.

Despite me arranging a cleaner for them, doing their shopping, taking them to appointments they told everyone they liked being independent.

Eventually my mother had a fall and my Step-father arranged for the neighbour to carry her upstairs to the bedroom. As she had broken her hip, unknown for 3 days, she never went home again after I called the ambulance. He blamed me.

@Lulufluff
That's sad, I wonder if your council have an older people's team i know mine does. From personal experience I know I'd want the neighbours to tell me if my mum was doing the things your neighbour is doing before they reported it. But it doesn't look like you've got much choice if he's never around.
She's probably not eating or taking any meds if she so confused.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.