First my dad, now I think my dm has it too. Just a pitiful small rant

[Kenworthington]

Fiuuck. I feel like we’ve been dealt a properly shit hand.
Dd has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia, diagnosed 10 years ago and he’s been in a home for just over four years. Last Monday was told he is now at the end and is now not eating and sleeping a lot. He may have weeks left.
Now I have been getting more and more concerned about my mum and I’ve realised after the last couple weeks that actually I think she has it too. I’m living in some sort of Groundhog Day. I’m answering the same questions over and over again every day. This evening, over the course of an hour, she phoned me THREE times to ask me if I was coming to see her tomorrow. THREE. I see her every day. I can’t do this again. I just can’t. It’s not fucking fair.

Oh I love that idea. I’m going to pinch it thanks so much

Unfortunately my go to thing is not to eat or drink my unhappiness but to shop it 😬 I’ve just contacted a counsellor I used to see years ago to see if I can get a fortnightly session with her in. I just remembered earlier something dh said to me last night which I’m still smarting about- that apparently when I talk about it all I do is moan and make it all about me. Which surely I would? I’m talking about My feelings! So I’m going to pay someone to listen and not judge me.

Counselling sounds like a wonderful idea. You DH is living all this too so someone outside of this has to be a good thing.

I’ve booked in for my first counselling session next Thursday and will go fortnightly. Dh really doesn’t understand why I feel I need to go. Anyway I’m doing it, I know it will help me come to terms with it. I’ve never been much in the way of in touch with my feelings so this will be good for me.

I bought the dementia clocks mentioned up thread and they are BRILLIANT! And have put them in her three main rooms she’s used alongside a calendar in the kitchen which I’ve put simplified appointments on. She’s thrilled with the clocks. Thanks so much to who recommended them.

Her gp rang me last night and was discussing mum and said it’s time we thought about a care home. Due to her type one diabetes mainly. I said no way, she’s not ready for that, it would kill her, she’d be so miserable. So I asked her to find out about the possibility of getting a nurse in four times a day to administer her insulin when the time comes that she’s not managing it herself. I am surprised she’s still doing ok with it considering her rapid decline but I guess it’s just muscle memory. I’m hoping that continues for a long time.

I have an appointment with her financial advisor this morning. All her money is in investments which over the past ten years has been paying her a kind of salary if you like. But now I need to be able to access it for care etc that seems more important right now than having thousands locked away that I can’t get to.
Registering the poa on Monday but that will take 6-8 weeks to come back so just trying to hold fast in the meantime.

A small non dementia related update.

But not a good one

I’ve been trying to get dm to self isolate but obviously it’s not been going too well so I’ve been going over every other day. This morning I was going over , I’d bought her her raspberries. But I got a text at 7am saying she was fine and not to worry going over today so I text her back and said I’d see her tomorrow. I don’t know why, 6th sense maybe, I decided to pop to the shop and get her a few more bits and drop it over. Where I found her on the floor of the bathroom collapsed, drenched in sweat, incoherent, literally flat down on the floor on her face. Well I couldn’t move her for love nor money and she’s tiny. It was a small space and she was lying really awkwardly. I was also aware that she seemed to be perhaps very low in sugar because she was talking nonsense and kind of wailing. It was awful. So I called an ambulance. They were so lovely. But they turned her over and one said to the other ‘she’s about to go mate’ I felt all panicky. Anyway eventually we went off to a&e. Went home again to get some stuff for her and popped back this afternoon, she had been moved to a kind of high dependency ward but still looked absolutely dreadful, mainly asleep but just looked very poorly and her voice all slurred. Anyway had phone call a couple hours ago from the ward doctor saying some of the tests are back and show she’d had a heart attack. She also has some fluid in her lungs. I can’t believe it. If I hadn’t decided to pop round today anyway I would have had an even worse shock tomorrow because she wouldn’t have survived much longer as she was. And she would have been so scared and alone
Definitely not out of the woods though, I am fully expecting a call in the night (hence can’t sleep) and I think the doctor is not expecting her to survive this because he said to come in as soon as I can tomorrow and although visiting times atm are only for one hour because of the circumstances they will let me stay as long as I need. Oh fuck fuck fuck. I think this could be it and I’m really not quite ready.

Kenworthington {flowers] We're hear to listen. Come over to the main Elderly parents board, it's busier than this one.