Frustrated and confused and I am not the one with dementia

[Alfiemoon1]

Mil has had a rapid decline in dementia only diagnosed 18 months ago think it’s vascular as her symptoms are very difficult to her twin sister who has had dementia 14 years. She recognises people but has hallucinations that people - usually dead relatives have been to stay. Thinking she on holiday wanting to go home not her childhood home the one she is in. She packs up everything she kept putting her suitcases at the end of the drive waiting to be picked up

After a lot of me nagging got dh and his 3 brothers to arrange carers 3 times a day as she wasn’t taking her medication and she is diabetic type 2 nagged for them to sort out power of attorney

Fast forward to 4 weeks ago she fell and broke her collar bone hospital ot said she couldn’t go home due to her dementia and she would forget to keep her arm in a sling so they were going to sort out respite care so they decided to put her into a care home. Me and dh started viewing care homes with the idea of her only being moved once however the brothers couldn’t agree mainly due to money as they have finally realised she will be self funded

Social services have now taken over as it’s been over 3 weeks and have placed her in a care home temporarily with the view of moving her to a slightly better one when a bed becomes available my confusion is that they have put her as needing residential care not nursing and not a dementia home I was hoping to put her in nursing so even if she didn’t need it now she probably will in future to avoid her being moved again

Turns out they haven’t managed to sort out the power of attorney they forgot to get mil to sign ffs. Social worker has now got her to sign and it is going to the court of protection dh seems to think this is to get it sorted so they will have power of attorney as social worker things she is of sound mind to make this decision I thought court of protection was only used when they were taking over the decisions ? I know with my mums power of attorney we just used a solicitor

Sorry it’s long sorry to rant it’s just so frustrating dealing with 4 incompetent men who think they know it all and without meaning to out myself my sister used to be a nursing home manager an area manager and a cqc inspector and has offered her help and advice and we have done our own mums power of attorney within the last 9 months

Mil is 85 still quite physically active and quite convincing with the stories she comes out with
Trackers on her have shown she doesn’t always go to bed and has been opening the door at 3 4 am it was dark so she didn’t go out but I think in summer she was
She was always up and dressed claiming to have showered when carers came but after having an accident at dd party she wasn’t wearing any underwear and was dirty where her dementia patch had been previously

Power of Attorney - once signed, this has to be registered with the Office of Public Guardian - is this what the brothers are referring to by the "Court of Protection"?

You're right about not wanting her moved too much. My father hasn't yet got as far as a dementia diagnosis but even so I can see his symptoms worsen with each change of scene - even having the decorators in at his nursing home has increased the level of fantasising.

It's great that you have your sister's expertise to hand - though I suppose the problem will be to get DH and brothers to accept the advice.

I am hoping that’s what they mean rather than the court of protection as I thought the court of protection is when social services are taking over. They freeze her assets and sell the property. They have been wrong about so much like her being funded etc that I am wondering if they have got it wrong again

Would your MIL be able to give consent for POA.
I had POA for my mum. My cousins had to go to court because my aunt couldn't give consent for POA.
It was really stressful and took forever.

It might be better if a doctor carried out a capacity assessment rather than the s.w, I dont see how she could sign the poa if she lacks capacity to understand the process. Who was put down as her attorneys? Who has consented to her being in the carehome and accessing her funds to pay for her care.
I would ask for a copy of the poa paperwork then contact the office of the public guardian for advise. If a doctor thinks she lacks capacity someone in the family could apply for deputyship and the cop can appoint attorneys to act on her behalf. It's all on their website, look up the section of making decisions for someone. I would also ask the SW and carehome manager for a copy of her care needs assessment twhich she should have had done.