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Dementia and Alzheimer's

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Safeguarding

11 replies

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 09/09/2019 18:16

My mother has mixed dementia, she was diagnosed with UTI on Saturday, Gp visited and prescribed antibiotics.
I have received a call from a nurse practitioner from parents surgery who did a welfare check today, she is now concerned about the verbal abuse my mother gives to my father and is raising a safeguarding issue with social services, she seemed very concerned but gave me no more information.
Background, my mother has always been controlling and abusive to dad, but this has got a whole lot worse, I know UTI can exaggerate dementia symptoms but this has been getting worse over the last two years since dementia was diagnosed.
She has been violent towards him on a couple of occasions too.
What is likely to happen now?

OP posts:
NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 09/09/2019 18:18

Social services are involved and visited 4 weeks ago and a morning carer is being sorted.

OP posts:
HVnamechange · 09/09/2019 18:18

I'm sorry, I couldn't read and run... I have no real advice as this is the opposite end to my sector.
Atleast I can give you a bump and some Thanks hopefully someone with experience in adult social care will come along soon

sagethyme · 09/09/2019 18:20

Depends OP, does your dad have capacity?

sagethyme · 09/09/2019 18:22

As in does your father have mental capacity? I'm assuming you parents are still living together? And if your mum has a UTI then your dad is currently her carer?

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 09/09/2019 18:33

Dad is fit and healthy with full mental Capacity, he looks awful though as he is totally drained as she constantly demands attention, including during the night now . He is her FT carer she does nothing for herself, she stays in bed most days, shouting out orders at him and making derogatory comments all day, nothing he does is good enough.
When I last visited, he said she was kicking him and he had bruising up his arms.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 09/09/2019 18:42

That's terrible. I have no advice or pertinent knowledge. Just a bit of a hand hold if you'd like it. DF became very poorly, and DM's behaviour to him was at times abusive. She struggled to manage the change in their roles, as he'd always looked after her. It's very distressing to watch, and feel so powerless. I really hope that SS manage to change things for your Dad.

ChampagneCommunist · 09/09/2019 18:58

I think it sounds like the time has come for your mother to move into residential care.

Your father needs to be away from the abuse and she needs specialist carers

hatgirl · 09/09/2019 19:11

What happens next will almost entirely depend on what your dad tells them he wants to happen/ agrees to happening.

Ultimately he is fit and well and has full mental capacity, the only thing that makes him a 'vulnerable adult' is his potentially his age (which you don't mention so could be anywhere between 50 and 90!) so social services may not deal with it as a safeguarding vulnerable adults/ vulnerable adults abuse enquiry.

What they will do is offer him support and depending on if anyone has health and welfare POA will either try and support them to make a best interests decision or if no one does will consult with the family about what to do in your mothers best interests.

If your dad states he wants to keep her at home and she is otherwise being well cared for then they can't force him to move her into a residential home for his own safety as he has capacity.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 09/09/2019 19:46

Sorry, he is 85, my mother is 83, he has been in a controlled relationship as far back as I can remember and he is so dependent on her as he has made very few decisions so that has enabled her behaviour.
She attacked him by hitting him over the head with a walking stick whilst he slept two years ago, I am worried she will do something similar again.
Unfortunately because of his co-dependency I think he will try to keep her home.
I live 1.5 hours away so can’t pop in to keep an eye on things.

OP posts:
NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 09/09/2019 19:49

So stressful as I keep getting phone calls from my mum says she isn’t being fed, I have teens at home, life is easier with them than my parents!

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 14/09/2019 10:03

Will your dad accept carers coming into the home? At his age, it's too much to expect him to be the full time carer and you need to drum this into him. Remind him that dementia is largely a new problem, in that most people didn't live long enough to get to dementia, or if they did, they didn't survive very long with it.

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