My dad has dementia - diagnosed three years ago and now can’t talk, doesn’t know us all the time, is incontinent and can’t really feed himself. My mum cares for him and has respite three days a week and has carers in twice a day on the other days a Dad doesn’t want them washing him and is now very anxious about moving from room to room so it hard to get him to the bathroom. He also up a lot at night as Mhm isn’t keen on giving him sedatives as they seem to totally knock him out as he doesn’t eat much.
I’d booked a week holiday with mum and my two kids under 5 next week. But last week the home where he has respite said they won’t take him overnight as he wanders and is disruptive. He stayed there in July for a week and it was the first time mum he had any time off since he was diagnosed. Mum visited a nursing home but felt it was too much like an asylum and won’t let Daddy stay there.
My Dad was a big strong affable man with lots of friends and now he is the scared frail thing with so little dignity left. Mum is very stoic but frustrated and I really wanted her to have a break.
Selfishly I’m just so angry that she won’t be coming on holidays, that she hardly knows my kids because of Dad and I’m cross she doesn’t seem to have considered quite how upset I am about all of this. I live far away as do my siblings and we have all tried really hard to get home to her for 4/5 days per month but it’s really hard with full time jobs and lots of young kids amongst us.
Am I just being a mean spirited selfish cow. Also what happens next? I don’t think mhm can cope with much more but are there decent places for people with advanced dementia? She is desperately concerned about the cost which will be tough financially but me and brothers are willing to help: she is worried about being lonely. It’s all just so hard. :(