My dad thinks we are having an affair

[Moonbaby321]

I am currently abroad with my parents because my Grandma was ill and died yesterday. My father has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and it is constant. I have been looking after him since last week so my mum could be with her mother till the end. All was fine albeit exhausting. After my Grandma died we went to see her then my dad and I sat in the little room for families while I bawled my eyes out and then he started babbling about how he wanted to be with me but couldn't cheat on his wife 🙄 and since then he thinks we are having an affair and is getting into a state over it. My poor mum is grieving as am I and she has things she needs to do for my Grandma but it's becoming very difficult to look after him because he's starting to scare me. I know he can't help it and I know he's I'll but it's still making me feel sick every time he says stuff like this. I am grieving my Grandma and on top of that have my father constantly telling me he loves me and wants to be with me.
How the hell do you deal with this? I miss my dad and don't want to feel disgusted by him because I know he can't help it

Ask him who he is thinking of. He's got you mixed up with someone.
Be firm with him. Take no nonsense. If you still feel scared, someone else will have to look after him. Don't put yourself at risk.

Oh please don't feel disgusted. I've been through so much when my dad started with dementia.

He would tell my mum she'd better leave soon before his wife came home. He'd tell me that he'd love to take me out if his wife wasn't around. In early days he actually come home with some women he picked up in town my handled that brilliantly!

It's a stage , maybe made worse by grief. Or seeing people grieve.

Get as much time with your lucid dad as you can and never be afraid to ask for help .
Take care x

Don't just humour him on this one, when he says it just say "I am insert name, your grown up daughter". He doesn't recognise an adult as his child, he obviously thinks you are someone else and his little daughter is at home or elsewhere.

I'm so sorry for you and your mothers loss.

Thank you for your replies. His condition is that he is never lucid he is always 24 hours a day childlike almost and most of the time placid although he has been nasty sometimes with my mum and hit her.
There is pretty much nothing of my dad left, at least not who he was, he'd be horrified by the things he"s saying. I draw comfort in you saying it's a phase because I don't think I could bear this to be how he's going to be from now on.
I keep telling him I am his grown up daughter but he just keeps on. It's like he thinks me getting stressed by what he's saying or upset Is because he won't leave his wife 😳 I feel trapped because I have to look after him so my mum can grieve and do what she needs to but the more I take care of him the worse his confusion is getting

Could you two go home, he might be calmer in his own surroundings?

Alzheimer's is shit.
I'm sorry I worded it wrong when I said it's just a phase . It may be different for all sufferers and their loved ones. But one phase sometimes, as with my dad, then slips into another one. He gradually left the "other women " phase and became fixated on a car parked outside that was in his space he used for a work van. To the point of telling neighbours not to use the space. Sadly he hadn't actually had a van for a number of years. That then petered our to another phase.
All very upsetting and tiring.
Honestly patience is the key here, you may have to repeat something a 100 times a day but to them it's the first time they've heard it . I was good at that , unfortunately my mum wasn't .. she didn't have any patience with us kids years ago so there was none forthcoming with my dad. But then she was hearing it all the time where I could go home for breaks.

Friends who have family members with Alzheimers/Dementia have said that this method has worked very well for them.
www.contenteddementiatrust.org/what-is-the-specal-method/

SPECAL began as an acronym (Specialised Early Care for ALzheimer's) and describes the work of the Contented Dementia Trust, whose charitable aim is to promote lifelong well-being for people with dementia.

I can't go home yet because my Grandma's funeral is next week and I need and want to be there for her and pay my respects.
We are staying in a family home and it's one he knows well.
I feel for my poor mum the most, she's just lost her mum and none of our relatives are helping with dad (and I suppose why should they)
I'm just going to have to find the resources to cope with this

We are staying in a family home and it's one he knows well

He may have known it before, but now ( to him) he is in a strange place. Going back to his own home probably would have been the best option, but since it isn't, you'll have to carry on as you are for another week.

You mention that you get stressed and upset by his comments - .- do try no to show any distress at all. He needs you to be calm and blunt with him " No Dad, I'm Mary, your daughter. Now lets have a nice cup of tea" etc. Don't buy into his fantasy story - just be firm and calm, no matter what he says.

My Gran recognised me but not DH of 20 years. She kept asking him why he was with me, thinking he was my uncle. Unfortunately the ability to recognise people happens when the dementia is established.
All you can do is to remind him who you are.